Do I want a stronger faith?

Yes, absolutely!

But in going over some notes I took during Dr. Shockley's messages "God's Answer to the Thorn of Affliction...Part 1 and 2", I am reminded that faith in God is often built through trials, tribulations, and afflictions.

Oh boy...so I asked myself, "am I willing to go through trials, tribulations, afflictions...physical afflictions...if the end result is a stronger faith in God, a deeper trust, a surer foundation?"

I guess it's not so much a question of "am I willing" because these things are coming to me no matter what. It's just a result of living in this sinful, fallen world. But do I have the same attitude that Paul had...that these are light and momentary afflictions and matter not when viewed through eternity's lens.

Today was a tough day for me. A struggle to keep my mind and emotions where they should be. 

I recently read the story of Jonathan going up against the Philistines, just him and his armor-bearer. Did I tell ya'll about that already? Now THAT'S faith! So I've been asking God to give me a faith like Jonathan's...

...but if that faith will only come through trials...or if that faith can only be tested through tribulations...maybe I'm not ready...

Back in November...wow, that's 6 months ago!! It's almost 6 months to the day that Petey did his last flight for Evergreen! When this whole life-change thing started, I told Petey that God had enrolled us in Faith University and we were going to be good students and pass with all A's  = )

I had the scenario all planned out in my head...it would take awhile but Petey would find another job and then things would get back to normal. Maybe not exactly how they were before...maybe a different salary or a different schedule or something like that...but near enough to what we were used to.

Wow...was I WRONG! Actually, I was really wrong to plan out our future when that's God's domain and His alone. But I planned the trials and tribulations to be of a sort that would stretch my faith but not shake my world TOO much.

My world has experienced an earthquake of record-setting Richter-scale proportions! And to some reading this, you might be thinking, "so what? what's the big deal? why are you being so dramatic? you just had to move...no big deal! at least Petey has a job and you're not homeless and stuff".

I would agree with you. My logical side (yes, I DO have one!) tells myself that kind of stuff all the time! But my heart, my emotional side, is struggling mightily. Not just for what we left behind and the adapting to a new home life...it goes deeper than that. It goes so deep I don't even understand it and I don't know how to deal with it to make it better except to realize that my faith is weak and if it were stronger, I would not be so shaken by this. Or by anything if I had a faith like Jonathan's and Paul's!

So I do ask God to strengthen my faith even though I know what I'm asking. And I'm working hard to "count it all joy" as I go through this time of trial. And I'm taking every opportunity to spend time in God's Word because that is where He reminds me of HIS faithfulness over and over and over.

And I spend time in prayer, lifting up those who are also going through a time of testing or trial or affliction. And I'm still keeping my thankful journal. Every day there are more blessings to be thankful for than I have space to write them down!

And now it's off to bed...I didn't sleep well last night and haven't felt well today so I'm hoping tonight's sleep will be more restful. Petey should get home about 3am...