Each of us live a unique life...in every way. Our brains, our bodies, our genetics, our circumstances... all unique. I remember the comfort that I received from an online endometriosis support group. I never once had to convince any of those girls that I was living with daily pain...often severe pain...of both the physical and emotional variety. Hey, might as well throw in mental and spiritual too...it's the truth.
Those girls KNEW...they were well-acquainted with a similar kind of pain...but they didn't FULLY understand my pain because they weren't living my life in my body in my surroundings.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
I'm going to tell you about the comfort I received from a person recently...so simple, so beautiful. I hope I have the presence of mind to say this to the suffering-one who crosses my path in the future... and they WILL cross my path...because EVERYONE SUFFERS.
This girl is all of 15 years old but she spoke with a wisdom far beyond her years...and mine too! While sharing something I was struggling with, another person listening started in with "the platitudes". If you've shared publicly about a struggle, you've probably heard them too..."well, just ----" "that's happening because you---" "you need to ----"
I stopped this person right there...I said to them, "you can stop right there because you don't understand my struggle, your mind can't even conceive of it and anything more you say will only be hurtful and not helpful".
They kept trying to talk but I held my hand up and said "no, REALLY, you need to stop talking". Now this person TRULY meant well...so many of those around us do, actually...but they can care without being understanding or helpful...they can care while actually being quite hurtful.
But this girl...as she was hugging me goodbye said with her eyes and mouth and from her heart, "I'm sorry you are suffering...I will pray for you".
THAT'S IT! That's all that is needed...to let the person know that you CARE and will pray.
Another friend is suffering through terrible migraines. I used to get migraines more frequently than I do now...soooooo thankful! But I've suffered through my share of migraines...I TRULY understand the pain she's going through but I don't FULLY understand.
I pray for her daily and I have nothing to say to her other than "I'm sorry you are suffering...I will pray for you". No words of wisdom, nothing for her to try or start doing or stop doing. When someone suffers regularly and GREATLY from a malady, believe me, they've tried it all! They've exhausted all their strength in fighting to live a "normal" life while fighting against the thing that is beating them down constantly, relentlessly, endlessly.
I guess I'm writing this post to remind myself to not offer platitudes...easy fixes...if onlys. And to encourage you to not do it either. If you share the same affliction, you MAY have the opportunity to share on a deeper level and provide more comfort than another person who doesn't suffer in that same way... just like the verse says.
But we must all be SO careful to not ADD to another's suffering by saying things that will make them feel even more like a loser than they do already. Yes, I'm speaking from experience = ( When we offer "quick fixes" we reject the idea that the person's problem is deep and serious and that they've tried their HARDEST to overcome it by themselves...possibly trying and fighting for decades to be "normal". Living with the shame of being weak or "giving in to it" or failing once again.
God is the only ONE Who fully understands...and I'm so thankful that I have His Word to find grace and mercy and help in time of need.
"I'm so sorry you are suffering...I will pray for you". Powerful words...helpful words...comforting words.
