Thursday, July 5, 2012

One Final Act of Love

"To you, he was a pet. To me, he was a person."


I said goodbye to my beloved friend and companion of 14 years today...my sweet Jakey-boy. 


After saying goodbye to my other furry babies, I know that the grieving process will only end with my eventual death. I still ache for Kenai, Aspen, Baby Bear, Bootsie, Skeeter and Anniebelle. The ache has lessened, to be sure...but it is always there, ready to rise to the surface with a flicker of a memory...the pain that often accompanies a happy memory. "They were here, they are now gone, I will never have that special-ness with them on earth again."


I have had a special relationship with each furry person who has shared my home, my life and my heart. It is a unique relationship...it cannot be duplicated or replaced. "Oh, that's too bad about Jake dying. At least you still have 7 other cats to keep you company!"


No, 7 million other cats could never replace Jake...there's only ONE Jake...and now he is gone.


I'm overflowing with gratitude to God for allowing Jake to be born and allowing us to be the ones to welcome him into our family. I'm so thankful for 14 wonderful years! I'm thankful that he was SUCH a wonderful kitty to make me love him so even while knowing that that increases the pain of his passing.


I have spent the last weeks trying to help Jake...trying to figure out what the swelling on his neck was...trying different treatments...watching him go downhill, then rapidly failing over the past several days.


When it became evident that he was not going to survive this problem, that it was definitely leading to the end, I spent hours and hours in prayer, asking God to let him pass here at home. To spare him the stress and trauma of going to the vet but even more, selfishly perhaps, to spare me the trauma of taking him.


In God's perfect loving sovereign will, He chose to answer those prayers with a "no". I'd recently done a Bible study on "be strong and courageous"...the past 72 hours, especially, knowing what was coming and exactly when it was coming, I've had to tell myself that many, many times..."be strong and courageous...a righteous man cares for the needs of his animals...do what is best for Jake even though it's intensely painful for yourself".


One final act of love...one more chance to put Jake's needs before my own, to show him my love to the very end.