Friday, December 28, 2012

Humbled and Ashamed = (

It's hard for me to even type this but it must be done.

I've just been convicted of my very self-centered, selfish, egotistical, proud answer that I spent so much time typing out.

Not once did I mention any of this:

- this is God's body, not mine

- true success in weight management, life management, whatever management only comes through living in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to Him

- He comes first, I come last...I KNOW this...I want to LIVE this way...my sinful nature continues to demand first place and I continue to give in far too often

- I must ask Him to show me how He wants me to take care of this body that is His temple here on earth...and I must obey

I confess and repent...pray for me.

My Success Story...Kinda...

Week 29 of Maintenance...Week 4 of the Winter Challenge...one-third of the way through!!

116.6 at meeting
111.2 at home

Wow...I survived Christmas Week and didn't gain! Also had worse weather and couldn't run and walk outside as much as normal but still did just fine...what a relief!

I've still been enjoying the treadmill running but I've started missing being outside my normal amount. I'm sure Piper, my black lab, is also missing his normal allotment of daily outside miles in our beautiful park.

Now, on to my "Success Story". This is another writing exercise in the Success Journal from the new member's kit from Weight Watchers. But, here's the deal: every time I thought of a "marker of success" it always had a clarifier with it...so it doesn't feel like I have a CLEAR success story...more of a wait-and-see-general-idea of a success story. 

Anyhow, this is what I came up with...I actually asked myself "how would I define success for me?" so it's a series of questions and answers...and more questions...you'll see what I mean! hahaha

- would I say I've reached success at a certain weight? 

Well...there are definitely numbers on the scale where I know I FEEL better physically. I know that anything over 120 (these will all be the clean weights - nekkid, empty stomach, etc) is heavy or jiggly or full in the waist. See, I can't even really describe it!! I just know that that is definitely a "line in the sand".

I know that the less I weigh, the better, down to about 108. I feel better, I feel like I look better, I run better, I move better...everything is better. EXCEPT...if I really struggle to MAINTAIN 108, then it's not better!!! And if I can't maintain long-term, then I definitely would not call it a success.

((And honestly, I felt AWESOME at 98-100 and ran the best of my life but I understand that at my age now (that was 8 years ago), that probably is not healthy anymore (affects bone density) and definitely would not be easily maintainable... it took some pretty strict eating and fast, long miles!))

So...where I'm at right now...110-113...so far I've maintained this...not for the 29 weeks listed above...that started with reaching my official goal weight at Weight Watchers...which is 120 clean weight...which is the number I decided that would be minimally acceptable and easily maintained long term...even though I knew I wouldn't REALLY be happy there since it's the maximum "ok" weight for me. See how hard this is?!!!

I've maintained the 110-113 for about 8 weeks now. I lost the extra pounds with the help of the strictly limited diet for Betsy but I've been able to maintain the weight eating the 32 points a day suggested by WW for maintenance mode. And I've enjoyed holiday goodies too!

It DOES feel like this weight might be do-able...I'm not totally happy with the way my body looks...my belly really  = (   But I know that has to do with body fat percentage and not weight in general. I know I could maintain this same weight but "streamline" my body by increasing muscle mass and decreasing body fat.

My body fat percentage is actually slowly reducing...I had a 17.7% reading the other night and most nights it's not much above 20%. The fat on my stomach is always the first to come and the last to go!


So, I do kinda feel like this could be a point of success...but only if I DO maintain it long term... and I won't know that until I actually do! So I don't feel like I can use that criteria to determine whether I'm successful because it's always "a work in progress" until I breathe my last.

- would I say I've reached success at a certain size?

I had a goal of being able to wear all the size 6 shorts I'd bought for last summer. I reached that and then they got loose...some of them too loose and I quit wearing them. But I found all my size 6 LL Bean shorts, capris and pants (which are smaller than my size 4 Eddie Bauer shorts) which I really never thought I'd be able to wear again...I'd given up! 

And I actually thought I'd donated them all to Goodwill but I'm SOOOOO glad I didn't because I LOVE them and now they do fit!! As long as I'm nearer 110-111 and not 113 and above. YES, 2 or 3 pounds does make that much of a difference to me because it's ALL at my waist and I can't stand for my waist band to be too tight!

So I have that as a motivation to stay 110-111 or even lose another pound or two...AS LONG AS I CAN MAINTAIN IT!!

See...if you'd asked me back in April when I joined Weight Watchers, I would've told you that success to me means finding a weight that is healthy and that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I just wanted to stop the gain-lose-gain-lose cycle that has been going on for 6 years and getting worse with each year.

And even now I have that uncertainty about maintaining this weight all the way through the Winter Challenge...that's why this is such a big deal! December to February ALWAYS trips me up! And that's why I think I could accept 120, even though it's not my optimum weight, if that turns out to be the weight that I can maintain throughout the year, even over the winter months. But I wouldn't be TOTALLY happy...

If I could get my stomach to a certain size and then keep it there, yes, I would define that as success...no matter what the scale said.............as long as I stayed there long term!! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!

- would I say I've reached success if I stayed the same weight year-round, for say, 5 years in a row?

Well, yeah...but no, not really. If I stayed 130 year round...NO WAY!! That would definitely NOT be success in my book. That would be failure as I would look and feel FAT all year round! So it's not just maintaining the same weight...it has to be a weight below a certain level.

- would I say I've reached success if I'm medically healthy and maintaining that?

Um...yeah, not so much! hahahahaha So it DOES have something to do with size and weight and the way I feel when I'm running and the way I look in the mirror and if I'm wearing the clothes I want to wear.

- would I say I've reached success if I'm eating a certain way? 

Well, sorta...if I'm eating such a restricted diet that I can't have ANY or very minimal treat foods, then no, that wouldn't be happy or nice and I wouldn't call that success. That would be a failure of a different sort.

But I understand that allowing myself too much free rein leads quickly to weight gain and would not lead to success either. 

Actually, it just now came to me...this is what I would call success....BALANCE. BALANCE.

I'm thin but not too thin...thin enough...and not too thick.

I'm exercising in a fun way but not an "addicted compulsive" way. Exercising FOR fun and not a HAVE-TO way.

I'm eating healthy foods 80% of the time and enjoying treats 20% of the time...fully enjoying both!

And I'm maintaining a realistic, nice-looking, healthy weight range ALL YEAR ROUND, until I die! 

Well, I think that's it...kudos if you made it all the way to the end  = ) 

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Gotta Love the Status Quo Weeks!

Week 28 of Maintenance...7 months already??!!

116.6 at the meeting
111.2 clean weight at home

And week #3 of the winter challenge is in the books...so far, so good!

I'm racking up the miles BIG TIME since I slowed the pace down and added in more walking. I still aim to do at least one speed workout a week and one longer run. This week's speed and long runs were really good!

I did 3.1 miles at an average 8:47 pace...splits of 9:05, 8:34 (5k pace mile), and 8:47 last mile...all faster than I expected to run. Then I ran 6.25 miles yesterday, very easy 10:25 pace but still faster than I expected for running that easy...thought I would be well into the 11's and possibly 12's for the effort level I was at.

I think this month might set a new mileage record EVER! Won't know til it's finished and I add it all up  = )

I have been having Christmas treats here and there but trying to "eat consciously" and be careful about the other foods I'm eating. So far, it's working. 

Of course with weighing and checking my body fat percentage every night, I will know right away if it stops working. Then the challenge will be to make changes when I really want to keep eating the treats, even just "here and there".

Another happy-happy discovery was deciding to run on the treadmill like I run outside. I usually run a mile over to the park, get a drink of water, then run another mile or so, get another drink, run another mile or so, etc etc til I finish the miles I'd planned to run. 

So on Thursday, I ran 10 minutes on the treadmill, then got off and got a drink and fed the dogs breakfast, then ran another 10 minutes, got a drink, checked the outside temperature so I'd know what clothes to put on after my shower, then ran another 10 minutes. I wanted to run another 10 minutes after that but I didn't have time.

I asked our WW leader, Kim, whether the ActiveLink gives a benefit for doing your exercise all in one shot or if you get the same credit when you break it up. She said you still get credit and it can also work more to your advantage because it spreads your activity out over several hours (possibly) rather than just one hour in the morning and then nothing for the rest of the day.

Except for me I almost always manage to walk the dogs at least a little every day before sunset so it wouldn't just be in the morning...but whatever  = )

Anyhow, that gives me great optimism for the Winter Challenge, knowing I can run in my street clothes, doing 10 minutes here and there (the amount that's easy to do without having to have a distraction other than the math/fractions/percentages I do in my head) all through the day if I want, if the weather is nasty outside. 

I should get a 2nd treadmill to put next to our existing one so I can be running and walking with Piper if we can't go outside to run/walk! hahahahaha

And I was reminded this week of another MAJOR-thankful-to-God aspect of my weight struggle. I am susceptible to depression...which has been quite severe in the past. Many years ago a friend told me about St. Johns Wort...an herb which works just as well as prescription anti-depressants for some people...which I tried and discovered that I am one of those people!

I try to remember to take it every day but forget sometimes...and sometimes I forget multiple days in a row. Sometimes Petey sees the signs of depression creeping in before I'm aware of them and will remind me to take it..."have you taken your St Johns today?" Thanks, Babe!

So over the weekend, I found myself wanting to eat and eat and eat...there are no Christmas treats in the house but I was just not satisfied with anything I was eating...never feeling "ah...I'm satisfied and full and ready to quit eating until the next meal or snack time".

Then the self-destructive thoughts started...and I still didn't catch on. Until some of the thoughts were shockingly violent and then I thought "what is going on with me!!!!" And then it dawned on me...whoa...I need St Johns!!

So I'm happy to report that I've remembered to take it every day since, feel much better, don't want to eat everything in sight and am thanking God that an herb you can buy off the shelf is so powerful in helping me! I actually thanked Him for the man that discovered it and did the research to help so many people  = ))

And thankful to be reminded that at least some part of my over-eating/weight-struggle is tied to my emotions and they can be improved simply by remembering to take St Johns... which is prominently placed in several locations around the house!

On to other things...the next assignment in the Success Journal is to write my success story. I've been thinking about it all week and am just about ready to put pen to paper and then I'll share with you.

And now I'm gonna go do some more crafts...or maybe work on my jigsaw puzzle... 

Monday, December 17, 2012

Better late than never! hahaha

Week 27 of Maintenance...2nd week of the Winter Challenge completed!

117.0 at the meeting
112.0 clean weight at home

Another interesting week in the books. Or in the database...whatever!

Betsy is doing fine...I'm avoiding most trigger foods, testing out a few, having a few very minor reactions, learning what I can and can't handle.

The other problem has been non-existent (YA-HOOOO!!) so I'm not sure what's up with that but I'm very thankful!

I did have an excruciatingly painful episode of another kind on Friday the 7th. This has happened twice before in the past and, again, so very thankful that it's short-lived when it does happen.

While running that Friday morning, and in the middle of a speed interval, I ran through some leaves, stepped on a rock or pine cone or twig under the leaves, turned my foot inward and felt OUCH!

I stopped, wiggled it around, took some easy steps, then ran the mile to home. I could feel it and figured it would be tender and somewhat bruised for a few days. Met up with friends for the afternoon and we went shopping. I could still feel the soreness when I would step a certain way but otherwise didn't think about it.

When we got back from shopping, my friend Lauren and I went across the street to pick tangerines from the neighbor's tree (he gave us permission!) and I stepped just ever so slightly funny in a low spot in his yard.

We got in the car and Lauren started driving us to her house (she's a GREAT driver and doesn't mind so I have her drive when we're together!). I could feel my foot/heel/ankle throbbing and swelling in my shoe as we drove...I knew what was coming since it had happened twice before.

The best I can figure...I have some small bone in the area under the ankle bone (that sticks out on the side of the foot) that somehow gets slightly dislocated when I twist/turn my foot/ankle. And then it somehow manages to slip back into place on it's own...

...but until it does, I CANNOT PUT ANY WEIGHT ON THAT FOOT! After dropping Lauren off, I very gingerly walked around to the driver's side and shakily started driving home. The pain level was high and became intense by the time I got home.

It was all I could do to force myself to push on the brake and then after a few miles, I could not even do that. I started using my left foot to drive and managed to make it home safely. Poor Petey, he was on the phone with me the whole time (I was using hands-free!) and it was awful for him listening to me groaning and crying without being able to help.

So...home...yep...could not put even a tippy-toe down on the ground...so I hopped into the house on one foot and called The World's Greatest Neighbor to come over and feed the dogs and gather a few things for me to be on my own. Thankfully, again, Shari's husband has had both knees operated on recently and had a walker I could borrow...making it much easier for me to hop around the house!

I mostly laid in bed with ice on my ankle for the rest of the evening and into the night. When I would wake up during the night, I would move my foot just a little to see if it was any better. Along about 4am, I moved my foot and the pain was greatly reduced! I tested it out by resting my toes on the floor...ok! Then my foot...still ok! Then I stood on that foot...amazingly ok! Then I carefully walked to the bathroom...yep, that little bone must've moved back into place...amazing!

Now the purple bruise and swelling hung around for several days and the "sore" feeling lasted longer (I can still feel it today, very slightly) but I was back to running on Tuesday and ran 5 miles just a week later.

This is exactly how it happened the other two times also...twist my ankle in the morning...sore but ok...slightly twist it again a few hours later...BAM! can't put any weight on it! Then 12 or so hours later BAM BAM! I can walk on it again! If anyone has another idea of what's going on besides a dislocated bone, I'd love to hear it!

So anyhow, I'm going to try to get a walker of my own in case this happens again, which I'm pretty sure it will...but I'm going to be even more careful now about instances where I might turn my ankle!

Now, on to more interesting things...I promised to share with you the Success Handbook's worksheets. The first one is: List 10 strengths or qualities that can help you achieve your goals. I've only come up with 5...

#1 - I'm very well educated in healthy eating and an active lifestyle. After this many years reading and researching ways to maintain a healthy weight, I could write a book!

#2 - I LOVE being active! Running, walking, gardening, yard work, ping pong, badminton, Wii...especially anything outside and moving!

#3 - I know lots of ways to make healthy, good-tasting food...taking higher calorie foods and making them lower calorie but still yummy...at least I think so...hahahaha

#4 - I've managed to maintain good general health and slightly above average metabolism in spite of struggling with weight gain. Even at my heaviest I didn't have high blood pressure or diabetes or aching knees or sleep apnea...which I'm sure I would have developed if I hadn't been able to lose the weight!

#5 - I really enjoy keeping journals and lists and things...tracking weight, body fat, foods, etc. And I use these numbers for motivation and determination...motivation earlier to get back down to the weight where I SHOULD be and now determination to STAY there...even through this dreaded winter season  = )

For example...after weighing myself last night and recording my weight, body fat, physique rating and visceral fat level, I checked what I weighed exactly one year ago. 10 pounds heavier, 13% higher body fat, a visceral fat level of 5 compared to 2 last night (1 is the lowest!)

That makes me determined to keep doing what I know I need to do...eating my healthy foods, limiting holiday goodies, running on the treadmill if I can't run outside, keep moving even on cold days when I'd really rather sit on the couch and read!

I guess maybe #6 might be the "strength in numbers" thing...some of the ladies from my Weight Watchers meeting have created a Facebook group and it's been FABULOUS so far!! Just knowing that I can share successes and failures, get encouragement, have accountability...it's a great support system  = ))

The next assignment is to write my success story...that one will take ALOT of thought although I probably already know exactly what I think equals success for me. 

Stay-tuned!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

A Happier Post Than the Last One!

Week 26 of Maintenance

116.6 at the meeting...same as last week!

I didn't even weigh myself, clothed, before leaving for the meeting like I usually do. I wore denim overalls and a long-sleeved shirt...I knew I wouldn't be anywhere close to my max weight limit and I knew they weren't going to give me a hassle for weighing too little so I just went with it  = )

111.2 clean weight this morning

1st week of the DREADED 12 week winter quarter successfully completed!

Betsy is doing quite well. I've had a number of minimal burning-flares (hmmmm...maybe that's why it's called a "flare"??? cause it BURNS!) episodes that I was able to easily trace to eating "off-list". But nothing bad at all...just enough to hear Betsy gently say, "hey, please don't feed me that". And yes, she was very polite about it  = )

The other issue is improving with each day. I've been able to narrow down some triggers and some helps...which I'll spare you the details...yes, even my tendency for TMI has its limits!!! But I'm thanking God for answering my prayers for wisdom...it's HIS body and I want to take good care of it!

Thanks to those who took the time to offer encouragement and prayers. I was quite discouraged when I wrote the last post. I always have this horrible fear when I'm in pain..."what if this doesn't stop? what if I can't find out what's wrong?? what if this is the way it is for the rest of my life?!! what will I DO????!!!!"

Boy, I REALLY need to stop over-reacting!! On to other things...

Weight Watchers launched their new program this week...Weight Watchers 360*. They came out with new books and tools and stuff. One thing I'm especially excited about is a new book called Success Handbook...a book full of leading questions to help you discover not just the physical reasons you struggle with overweight but also the emotional, mental, life-pattern, bad habits, etc. that contribute to it.

It's more of a journal than a handbook...and I do love journaling! I'm going to take my time answering the questions...many of them deep and searching...and plan on sharing what I learn with you here  = )

Good-night, ya'll!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Crazy, mixed-up body

Week 25 of maintenance

116.6 at meeting - sweater and leather belt to hold up my pants! pockets empty though...and the receptionist was very understanding about my weight-loss since I'm under a doctor's care...even though I'm below their minimum weight limit 

WHEW! Nice to not have to worry about trying to artificially weigh "up" 

110.8  clean weight at home

Here's my recommendation for weight-loss and maintenance...DON'T EAT JUNK...simple as that! Just eat real food, all the time. Ok, you can have Nilla Wafers...but no chips, crackers, candy, cookies, cake, pie, etc.  And no low-fat, imitation junk food either!

Seriously, I'm to the point of trying to eat enough to stop the weight loss. I still have to be very careful about what I eat...I approach everything with caution except for the very most "safe" foods...which I'm good and tired of...so no danger of over-eating them!

It seems like every day I eat something that bothers Betsy to some degree. Nothing that has approached the really bad painful burning...well, except for the BBQ Pop Chips I had one evening...yes, I knew better...but thought it would only be minor discomfort! WRONG-O!

Anyhow, it's been one month since being diagnosed with IC and I feel I have a very good handle on what to do and what not to do. I bought special seat cushions that help alot, especially for church, since that's the one place I sit the most at any given time during the week!

Unfortunately, I've started having some other painful issues with other "places"...even more unmentionable than Betsy the Bladder! I don't know if they are related to the IC or are separate issues. I'm trying different treatments to see if I can get "things" to improve.

And I'm fighting the feeling of my body going quickly downhill and me turning into a sickly, bed-ridden lump of junk who spends her days in a pain-pill haze or pain-filled hours until I die a slow death, no use to anyone, myself included!

I had a painful episode on Saturday afternoon...I could not hold back the tears anymore... not from being sad but from the PAIN! I was getting a hot shower to see if that would help but it was just getting worse and worse and WORSE.

I wrapped up in a towel and laid on the bed. Thankfully, the worst of the pain eased off almost immediately. But I was scared to get up...scared the pain would come back...and not go away again!! I did manage to get dressed and go out to the couch where I laid in the recliner for a couple of hours.

And then when I did get up, the horrible pain didn't come back...another WHEW! and THANK YOU, GOD!!

I did feel hints of that pain on Sunday morning as I was leaving for church but I worked on relaxing the "nether-regions" and it never got beyond mild discomfort. I felt it again today while running and for several hours after running but again, it didn't go into that unbearable pain I had on Saturday. And went away altogether after awhile.

I'm thinking..."do I have cancer??? is this some kind of endometriosis coming back??? is it something to do with IC or not??? could I even describe it to a doctor well enough for him/her to have a chance at finding the cause??? would I go through a bunch of painful and expensive tests only to be told they couldn't find 'anything' and then I'd be right back where I started from??!!!" 

This is why I try SO HARD to self-treat at home! If I can narrow down what makes something worse or better, I can help myself and possibly have better results than seeing a doctor. 

So...this feels like a crazy blog post...from a crazy, mixed up person trying to figure out her crazy, mixed up body and how to feel good and be active and pursue the things that bring her joy! 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Learning, learning, learning...

Week 24 of Maintenance...6 months already...half a year!!!

119.8 at meeting with long pants, heavy shoes, sweater, pockets full, after breakfast and water

111.8 at home, clean weight

Some things I've learned this past week:

- a REALLY good way to lose weight is to limit yourself to the same 10-12 foods for an entire week. By the 3rd day, you're sick of everything. By the 5th day, you can kill your hunger just by THINKING about eating something on the list. Then it's a matter of forcing yourself to eat just because you know you need to eat SOMETHING!

I didn't make it the full week...I started adding foods back in on the afternoon of the 5th day...I couldn't bring myself to eat another bite of any of those foods  = (

But the super strict diet accomplished what it was supposed to...Betsy is happy and only complains to me when I eat something that irritates her...and then it isn't as severe as it was before and the painful burning passes much more quickly.

I've been able to hone in on that specific feeling...burning...that means I've eaten something I shouldn't have. I've been making a list every day of things that could possibly irritate Betsy...keeping track of what does and what doesn't.

I find myself testing the boundaries quite often! Like yesterday...we picked some tangerines from the neighbor's tree. They smelled HEAVENLY...and I haven't had any citrus fruit in almost a month! I decided to try one small section...oh.my.goodness.

Then I told myself that "maybe" I didn't really have IC...maybe I have something different and it might be perfectly fine to have citrus! So I talked myself into eating the whole thing...enjoying every bite!

Yep, you already know what I'm gonna say...I paid for it several hours later  =(  Betsy let me know LOUD and CLEAR that I do, INDEED, have this crazy condition that I didn't even know existed until November 2, 2012...the day my life changed.

As long as I can keep the thought of that uncomfortable and/or painful burning in the front part of my mind, I'll have the motivation to NOT eat citrus, no matter how fresh, delicious and tempting it might be!

- another thing I learned is that when I eat healthy foods, my body fat percentage responds quickly...much faster than I would expect. It dropped 3% for the week I was eating the strict diet, which only allowed me to have Nilla wafers for a "treat".

In case you're curious, here are the other foods I could eat:

Proteins - plain chicken breast, cottage cheese, eggs
Complex carbs - plain white rice, white bread (bagels ok, which is what I got and they tasted good...for the first 3 days!)
Veggies - plain potatoes, corn, green beans
Fruits - blueberries and pears
Treat - Nilla wafers

- straight running DOES irritate Betsy. I haven't yet learned how much I can do and still be in the acceptable range of discomfort. I've been experimenting with run/walking and also shuffle-running. I've been able to do both of those for 5 miles and more with burning that lasts only an hour or two afterwards.

I'll be keeping track and fine-tuning...maybe running 2 miles, 3 days a week and then walk/running or shuffle-running on the other days. I guess it will also depend on whether I've eaten anything that is also upsetting Betsy.

- I completed my week-long assessment with the ActiveLink and I'm very pleased with my results...proud of myself, even!



Click on the pics to enlarge so you can read them  = ))


- I'm at the 23 pound weight-loss point. This past Sunday I had a number of people comment to me about my weight loss and how good I looked. No one has said ANYTHING before this...but I just now hit the "more than 20 pounds" weight loss.

The first time I lost weight with Weight Watchers (9 years ago), I was really disappointed that no one was noticing. A lady told me that you usually have to lose 20 pounds before people start to notice. It appears it's still true!

And actually, I've just now gotten to the point where I think I look "ok" as in "not fat anymore". I've always thought my optimum weight was around 108-112 but I was scared to try for that when I officially signed up with Weight Watchers because of the unknown of maintaining that range through an entire year...cold winter season included!

Anyhow, I'm gonna see how things go now that I'm not eating the strict diet anymore. I know these pounds I've lost lately are not a true loss but more of a "sick" loss.

- I'm ending this week of Thanksgiving on a very thankful note. Thankful that I'm feeling better, thankful that my doctor was able to diagnose the condition quickly, easily, without needing a lot of unnecessary tests which can make the condition SO much worse. Thankful that the condition is controlled almost exclusively by diet and not prescription medication with side effects. Thankful that already I'm learning to recognize what foods bother Betsy and what doesn't. Thankful that even though I haven't been running my regular schedule, I've been able to walk much more, still enjoy myself as much as if I were running (even more really, since my Sweety Petey has been coming with me!!!) and not gaining any weight back. I'll be WAY over 100 miles for November!

Hope you've had a wonderfully Happy Thanksgiving too!


Friday, November 16, 2012

Working, working, working...

Week 23 of maintenance

120.6 at meeting, with jacket on, phone in one pocket, keys in the other
118.2 at home before leaving and putting jacket on...drank water on the way
113.8 - clean weight...one more pound and I can be out of the "teens"  = )

What a week...Betsy is still not settled down completely. When I got the diagnosis of IC, I ordered 3 books for information. The first 2 came pretty quickly and I've been working my way through them. Lots of good medical info but I haven't gotten to the practical, day to day, "get me out of pain!!" info.

The third book came yesterday...THIS is the practical one! So now I've started on the super-restrictive diet...less than 10 things on the list to eat from. You're supposed to see improvement in 3 days and stick to the diet for a week. Then I can start adding other safe foods back in.

But I just realized that I've been taking my vitamins and I need to stop taking those since there might be something in them that is an irritant. I'm also going to search out a dietitian for help if I can't get a handle on this myself in the next several weeks.

It's not like I'm in constant, severe pain but except for a half day or day here and there, I've had some measure of discomfort and/or pain...including severe... all day, every day for several weeks. It's gettin' old, let me tell ya!

So I think that's contributed to the extra weight loss, along with eliminating lots of foods...just not eating normally.

On the running front, I've not been doing much because on top of the bladder troubles, I've also had a cold, which I thought was allergies for several days because I couldn't tell for sure. I didn't have the symptoms of a normal cold...never really did...but it reached a point where I didn't have the symptoms of normal allergies either.

I've had to suck on BUNCHES of Halls because of the tickle in my throat and I've started wondering whether those might also be irritating Betsy  = (

I've still been doing longer walks (4-5+ miles) in the mornings and then Piper's normal walks (2-3 miles) in the late afternoon. Used to be evening but now it's much earlier with the time change! 

Petey's come on my longer walks and that's been AWESOME!! Just the two of us listening to music on his iPhone, enjoying the beautiful park and each other's company! We even started incorporating running bits, which felt sooooo good  = )  And tonight Piper and I did 4 miles with a walking/running 1/4 mile pattern.

In other news...I got my ActiveLink from Weight Watchers and I'm on Day 1 of my Assessment period! I'm looking forward to taking it off and plugging it into the computer here in a bit to see how many activity points I've earned...if they tell me that. They said I'll only get a wee bit of info for each day during the assessment before I start getting lots and LOTS of info after that.

I did play 2 games of ping pong with Petey before we had to leave to take him to the airport... and then the 4 mile run/walk with Piper tonight. It'll be neat to see how those 2 activities compare in intensity  = )

I hope they at least tell me how many activity points I earned because that feature isn't showing up on my eTools tracker since I linked the ActiveLink to my account. I just figured that since that will be tracking my activity, it disabled the feature where I track my own activity. Not that it really matters since I don't "eat" my activity points...I'm just curious.

Well, time to throw the frisbee for Dingo and then put the dogs to bed and then put myself to bed too! Gonna try to do a regular shorter run in the morning...looking forward to it! Gotta see how it goes since I want to do the Sugar Land Turkey Trot (5 miles) on Thanksgiving morning!


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Betsy is behaving!

120.0 at the meeting with my sweater on

114.4 - "clean" weight, at home

Week 22 of maintenance

Boy, do I feel different from this time last week! ALL my symptoms are GONE! Saturday and Sunday were still miserable...especially Sunday night. Then I really got serious on Monday and only ate foods that were on the "safe" list on my iPhone IC app.

Tuesday was MUCH better, Wednesday even better and today, totally symptom free! I've even added one food back in that's on the "caution" list...prunes. Yes, it's crazy but I love them and they are important for me to eat so that was the first food I chose to test out.

What a relief!!! I'm still going to be very careful...still eat safe foods except for the prunes for several days until I'm SURE that prunes are ok for me and Betsy. Then I'll add another "iffy" food in to see how I handle it. As you can see, not having an appetite because of the pain and then being scared to eat and very careful with eating, I lost another pound. 

Earlier in the week I was contemplating getting a second opinion. I was feeling quite adrift on Sunday, when I was still miserable and trying to figure out what I was eating or doing that wasn't making it better. I was irritated at the doctor for giving me the diagnosis and then not telling me what the next step would be.

But I didn't ask her for the next step there in the office...because I didn't REALLY believe there was such a thing as Interstitial Cystitis...and I wanted to come home and look it up and decide for myself if I truly had it or not.

Once I read about it, I was convinced that's what I had. I guess the optimist part of me thought that I could stop eating my daily grapefruit and I would immediately feel better. And then when I didn't, I started trying to figure out what I should do next as far as seeing another doctor or trying medicine.

I talked to a nurse on our insurance health hotline and she recommended I see a gynecologist rather than a urologist because of the strong tie between women who have had endometriosis then develop IC. Yeah, THAT just motivated me even more to ONLY eat safe foods!

I did more research on Monday and then went to Lil Wally's at night and got a few things that are said to help...Peppermint Tums...which neutralizes the acid not only in your stomach but also in your urine. I opened that baby in the parking lot and popped 3 ultra-strength tabs on the way home!! I also started taking Advil as that was recommended for the pain. I was still take the precautionary antibiotics and the Azo, although I was trying my hardest to get along without the Azo because taking too much of it can damage your kidneys.

When I woke up Tuesday morning and the burning pain was noticeably less, I was FOR SURE going to eat foods that I KNEW would not make it come back! And then Wednesday and today, same thing. Except for the 2 prunes yesterday and now this evening I had my normal 5 prunes so I'll have to see if the symptoms start coming back.

So as of right now, I feel like I'm almost back to normal. I haven't been running, only walking, since any kind of bouncing, jarring exercise can make IC worse. I don't know if I'll try a short run tomorrow or not. I guess I'll see how I feel when I wake up.

Friday, November 2, 2012

A Diagnosis and Discovery

119.8 at the meeting - clothed, after breakfast, lots of water and with my cell phone in my pocket  = )

115.6 - minus everything above

This completes week 21 of maintenance!

I had a bladder infection in July and have suffered...and I mean that in it's MOST literal sense!!...from the same symptoms off and on since then. I did a round of antibiotics in July and assumed everything was clear. I thought maybe there was a bit of infection left or I was hyper-sensitive to watching for the symptoms.

I used to get bladder infections every 3 - 4 months before I had my hysterectomy but had a nice long break without any troubles after that. Except for blood in my urine after really hard or really long runs...which is normal for some runners.

For the past week I've been uncomfortable - in pain - in agony...pick any point along that scale. The agony bits, thankfully, were few...the pain, moderate... the uncomfortable, constant.

I've been trying to manage things naturally here at home...doing what I've learned from past experience. I did some searching online for new treatments and remedies. 

I knew I didn't want to wait too long if I did have an infection but I was doing my best to avoid prescription antibiotics.

I broke down and went to the doctor today, expecting the "sample" to be full of blood & pus (sorry!) like all the other times. 

Imagine my surprise and shock to hear "all clear, your sample is fine"! WHAT??!! How can that be when I've endured a week of (see paragraph above).

And then MORE surprise..."you have interstitial cystitis". Say whaaaaaa??? "Bladder inflammation...it's chronic but there are treatments to help you successfully manage the condition so that you're not uncomfortable/in pain/in agony all the time."

Ok, I REALLY thought she was making that up. I've never heard of such a thing...I thought she was just saying that stuff so I would be "comforted" or whatever. You know how doctors are...ugh  = (

Anyhow, she prescribed antibiotics because sometimes a slight infection can cause inflammation and once the bladder is inflamed, it can be hard to empty and then you really do develop an infection.

I came home and googled "bladder inflammation" expecting to see everything related to bladder infections. MAJOR SHOCK! Not only is interstitial cystitis a real condition...but I REALLY do have it!

Unbelievable!! It described my symptoms exactly and explained ALOT! 

So then I was giving Shari (TWGN - see previous post) the report from the doctor and she said "they probably have a support group for it". At which I laughed and agreed with her but really didn't think they did.

THEY DO! And get this...they even have an iPhone app!!! And books! And all sorts of stuff! A little card explaining why you need to go ahead of someone in the restroom line!!! Something I've never even heard of til today and millions of people suffer from it...and I've joined them  = (

IC (it even has it's own acronym!) is mostly controlled by diet...discovering what substances inflame the individual's bladder and then avoiding them all together or minimizing exposure to the amount you can handle.

So after my initial investigation, I was feeling very optimistic. I know what it is, I understand the treatments, I CAN DO THIS. I'll eat the right way and then I can go back to feeling well and healthy and not in pain...or agony.

But after letting this information sink in, the word CHRONIC - for the rest of my life - has reared it's ugly head and I'm feeling less optimistic. What if I can't get this "flare-up" to settle down? What if it gets even WORSE?!

They had information on when to seek surgical options...as in the IC is so bad that it's greatly diminishing your quality of life. Well, my quality of life has already been diminished this week, just in trying to make it through the normal activities of the day while feeling like this. Surgery is a last resort. Most sufferers manage the condition to a level they can live with.

It just brought back all those memories of when I had endometriosis and was trying to figure out how to survive the pain and make it through the day. At the end, I was not living, I was simply existing...breathing in and out, taking up space and very little else. Boooo...I don't want to do that again!!!

Soooooo...I need to do some positive self-talk here! I have lots of dietary changes to implement and something is sure to work to help me to feel better!

Some good things:

- I don't have to drink a gallon of water every day like I have been doing! The doctor said half a gallon is plenty. Of course, I'll boost that up because of running but just knowing I don't have to hit that gallon mark is a relief

- one of the treatments for a flare-up is taking Azo, which I'm already very familiar with and have already been taking and it definitely brings some relief!

- I can have some types of herbal teas!! It doesn't have to be all water, all the time!! I've really missed my tea...

- at least now I know for sure what it is and can do something about it

I'm anticipating losing more weight by next week because these antibiotics make my stomach hurt and take away appetite. Also, I'll be eating a limited diet, only SAFE foods, in trying to get the ol' bladder to SETTLE DOWN!

I'm gonna need to name her so I'm not saying BLADDER all the time...yuck, that's a gross word! Maybe Betsy???

Friday, October 26, 2012

Over-correction...but happy about it!

Week 20 of Maintaining

119.8 at meeting, clothed, after breakfast, 116.8 at home, unclothed, before breakfast

So, the 1.2 lbs that I gained last week resulted in a 1.8 lb loss this week, thanks to being so disgusted with myself that I was SUPER careful about what I ate and also, in a positive way, getting back to my normal running and walking schedule!

Every time I have a moderate gain, I think "uh oh, is this it? is this the first step on the downhill slide to being overweight again?"  And then when I'm able to return to my "I'm ok with this weight" range, I'm ever so thankful!!!

For the record...119's are great, 120's are fine, 121's are watch out! and 122's are DANGER, DANGER, Will Robinson!! 

UNLESS...the body fat is way down and/or the hydration level is way up and then I'm fine with the 121's and 122's...especially if accompanied by a nailing of the speed workouts for that week  = ))

Someone reading this might think that it's not healthy or good to be that concerned with the weights but I know myself too well. I know my history too well. If I'm not concerned with these weights, if I'm not constantly staying on top of them, BAM! just like THAT, I'm up 10 pounds! 

And I think most everyone can understand that it's much easier to lose 3 pounds rather than 10 pounds or more...much less daunting...much less stressful...much less depressing! If you want to refresh yourself on my history...why I joined Weight Watchers...then go back to the April blog posts and start reading.

In other news...I got another little gadget to keep me informed...to challenge me...in my journey to maintain this healthy weight: a Weight Watchers pedometer! They had them on sale yesterday and their pedometer provides more information than the other basic pedometers I've seen and used over the years. 

I like these gadgets...my Nike Fuelband, the pedometer, my GPS running watch, the Nike+ website, my yearly calendars with each day's activities and happenings recorded...SO much fun to go back and look through those calendars!

Weight Watchers is also coming out with their version of the sport accelerometer like my Nike Fuelband. I'm thinking about it  = )  It also would give me more/different information than my Fuelband does and it issues challenges based on your previous activity. That might be fun! 

Hey, anything that keeps me motivated and moving toward the ultimate goal, I'm interested in! Especially with these winter months coming up...speaking of...

It was cold today! That north wind kept me feeling chilled all day  = (  I was at packet pick-up for our running club's half marathon on Sunday (soooooooo glad I'm not running it!!!) so I didn't get to run this morning. I thought about maybe running this evening but I decided to do an extra long walk instead. BRRRRRR....I wished I'd had a hat and mittens!

Ugh...I'm dreading the winter...cool, cold temps...being uncomfortable heading out to run in the morning...more cloudy days...more rain. I was telling TWGN (the world's greatest neighbor!) tonight that I dread running in the cold MUCH more than I dread running in the heat! Almost 90* and I'm just heading out...no biggie...almost 50* and you have to kick me out the door and lock it behind me!

But the good thing...what I'm very thankful for...is that I live in South Texas where when it does get cold, it doesn't stay that way for more than a few days before it warms up again and we have more sunshine...Thank You, God!!

And I realize that "cold" is a relative term. It was 56* today but with wind chills in the low-40's. Might not be cold to some...or most...but it's cold to me and that's what matters...to me and my weight-maintaining journey  = )

Ok, gotta walk around a bit more so I can hit 5000 on my Nike Fuel earned today before I go to bed...good night!

Friday, October 19, 2012

My addiction hits me full in the face!

Or should that be stomach???

Week 19 Maintenance - 121.6 at the meeting

Yes, I went up 1.2 pounds! 

I have often tried to describe a food addiction to someone who doesn't have one. It is the same as an alcohol or drug addiction. If you are an alcoholic, how successful do you think you'd be at staying sober if you kept beer, wine and liquor in the house? If you are addicted to heroin, how successful do you think you would be at staying clean if you knew there was heroin in the guest bedroom and some in the kitchen pantry?

EPIC FAIL!

It is THE SAME for me with certain foods and/or types of foods. I CANNOT resist, there is not enough willpower or discipline or physical, mental, emotional strength on this planet to keep me from succumbing to the pull of...

- M & M's
- white chocolate macadamia nut cookies
- chocolate chip cookies
- Wheat Thins

This is only a partial list...but these are the foods that I gave in to...I got drunk with...I got high on...this past week  = (

If I was required to keep these foods in the house at all times, I honestly and seriously don't know the end point of how fat and unhealthy I would be. 200 pounds? 400 pounds?? 600 pounds??? YES! It's totally possible!

I CANNOT resist these foods! Wow...I tried...I tried HARD...I tried not eating them at all, I tried eating only a small portion, I tried eating just one normal-sized portion per day, I tried eating one normal-sized portion after each meal. 

Finally, with a great sense of relief, I ate the last M & M, the last cookie, the last Wheat Thin...ahhhh...they're gone! Yeah, I should've just thrown them out. But I saved them for Petey to enjoy...he, of the perfect willpower, had just a few and was content.

I told him he'd better hide the M & M's where I couldn't find them or they were going to be gone soon. Did I mention they were the peanut butter M & M's???!!! Heroin with a crack cocaine chaser!!!

He didn't hide them, I finished them. That's all, folks. End of story.

My Petey is a wonderfully giving, helping husband. I'm the one who struggles with feeling guilty at making him suffer for my weakness...my addiction. After the packet-stuffing party we had last Saturday, I kept the leftover M & M's and 2 each of the cookies, thinking that maybe I could be "good enough" or "strong enough" to resist and give him the chance to have a yummy little treat for a change.

Nope, I'm not...I'm not good enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm still as addicted as ever and I really think I'll be this way for the rest of my life! Unless M & M's miraculously start tasting like dog poop, then I might have a chance...

Petey will have to treat himself to these special foods away from home or hide them from me if he brings them home. Or I will throw them away in the garbage if I see or find them. And I'll have to scoop the litter boxes and put some cat poop on top of them in the garbage...

Yes, I've had to do that multiple times in the past. I throw something away, then dig it out of the garbage later. I have to throw something disgusting on top of the "drug" food... that's how bad I have it  = (   

Pretty ugly picture, huh? 

I would love to play that little video of me digging in the garbage for the next person who says to me, "Weight Watchers??? You don't need Weight Watchers!! You're skinny!!"  Would you tell an alcoholic that she doesn't need AA just because she happens to be sober right then? The only reason she's sober is because she's recognized her NEED for Alcoholics Anonymous!

And the only reason I'm a healthy weight right now is because I have the opportunity to belong to Weight Watchers. Thank You, God!!!

Now to get back on track...it can be hard after enjoying the taste of those high-fat, high-sugar foods...it kicks my desire for them into over-drive. Thankfully, my back has improved enough for me to get back to running...that should help. I'll let ya know next week!

Oh yeah...I did get two "clips" for my Pandora bracelet to celebrate 18 weeks maintaining. I sure hope I get to add to my bracelet in the future...

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Week 18 Maintenance

Half-way through the fall quarter!!

120.4 at the meeting

I didn't stop and get my spacer beads after the meeting today. I glanced at the little Pandora catalog before I left for Weight Watchers and there were WAY more choices than I thought there would be so I've decided to wait until I've spent some time looking at everything. The anticipation is almost as much fun as getting the thing so this will just add more "fun" to the experience  = )

My back is slowly SLOWLY getting better. I have lots of times during the day when I'm not thinking about it...which means that it's not hurting badly enough to be in the front part of my brain. 

I haven't taken a muscle relaxant for several days now and today I skipped the anti-inflammatory just to get an idea of how far I've progressed. I'm tempted to take something tonight because today was VERY busy with lots of physical activity and the next two days are going to be the same.

But I really want to see how my back feels tomorrow, unmedicated, to get an idea of where I stand. 

I have been walking 3 miles almost every day...the muscles tighten up while I'm walking so I stop and stretch a few times. It seems as if there's been no change in this respect for several days so I'm tempted to try a short run even though I'm not totally pain-free yet.

I figure if it hurts while I'm walking but doesn't get worse afterwards, I might as well be running! But I'm going to be good and wait until Monday...I've got alot of "mothers" keeping an eye on me to see if I start running again before I'm "all better"  = ))

I am so very thankful that I've been able to maintain my weight even though I've not been running and also had reduced activity in general. I don't know if the same would be true in the colder months...I sure hope I don't have to find out!