It's hard for me to even type this but it must be done.
I've just been convicted of my very self-centered, selfish, egotistical, proud answer that I spent so much time typing out.
Not once did I mention any of this:
- this is God's body, not mine
- true success in weight management, life management, whatever management only comes through living in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to Him
- He comes first, I come last...I KNOW this...I want to LIVE this way...my sinful nature continues to demand first place and I continue to give in far too often
- I must ask Him to show me how He wants me to take care of this body that is His temple here on earth...and I must obey
I confess and repent...pray for me.
Friday, December 28, 2012
My Success Story...Kinda...
Week 29 of Maintenance...Week 4 of the Winter Challenge...one-third of the way through!!
116.6 at meeting
111.2 at home
Wow...I survived Christmas Week and didn't gain! Also had worse weather and couldn't run and walk outside as much as normal but still did just fine...what a relief!
I've still been enjoying the treadmill running but I've started missing being outside my normal amount. I'm sure Piper, my black lab, is also missing his normal allotment of daily outside miles in our beautiful park.
Now, on to my "Success Story". This is another writing exercise in the Success Journal from the new member's kit from Weight Watchers. But, here's the deal: every time I thought of a "marker of success" it always had a clarifier with it...so it doesn't feel like I have a CLEAR success story...more of a wait-and-see-general-idea of a success story.
Anyhow, this is what I came up with...I actually asked myself "how would I define success for me?" so it's a series of questions and answers...and more questions...you'll see what I mean! hahaha
- would I say I've reached success at a certain weight?
Well...there are definitely numbers on the scale where I know I FEEL better physically. I know that anything over 120 (these will all be the clean weights - nekkid, empty stomach, etc) is heavy or jiggly or full in the waist. See, I can't even really describe it!! I just know that that is definitely a "line in the sand".
I know that the less I weigh, the better, down to about 108. I feel better, I feel like I look better, I run better, I move better...everything is better. EXCEPT...if I really struggle to MAINTAIN 108, then it's not better!!! And if I can't maintain long-term, then I definitely would not call it a success.
((And honestly, I felt AWESOME at 98-100 and ran the best of my life but I understand that at my age now (that was 8 years ago), that probably is not healthy anymore (affects bone density) and definitely would not be easily maintainable... it took some pretty strict eating and fast, long miles!))
So...where I'm at right now...110-113...so far I've maintained this...not for the 29 weeks listed above...that started with reaching my official goal weight at Weight Watchers...which is 120 clean weight...which is the number I decided that would be minimally acceptable and easily maintained long term...even though I knew I wouldn't REALLY be happy there since it's the maximum "ok" weight for me. See how hard this is?!!!
I've maintained the 110-113 for about 8 weeks now. I lost the extra pounds with the help of the strictly limited diet for Betsy but I've been able to maintain the weight eating the 32 points a day suggested by WW for maintenance mode. And I've enjoyed holiday goodies too!
It DOES feel like this weight might be do-able...I'm not totally happy with the way my body looks...my belly really = ( But I know that has to do with body fat percentage and not weight in general. I know I could maintain this same weight but "streamline" my body by increasing muscle mass and decreasing body fat.
My body fat percentage is actually slowly reducing...I had a 17.7% reading the other night and most nights it's not much above 20%. The fat on my stomach is always the first to come and the last to go!
So, I do kinda feel like this could be a point of success...but only if I DO maintain it long term... and I won't know that until I actually do! So I don't feel like I can use that criteria to determine whether I'm successful because it's always "a work in progress" until I breathe my last.
- would I say I've reached success at a certain size?
I had a goal of being able to wear all the size 6 shorts I'd bought for last summer. I reached that and then they got loose...some of them too loose and I quit wearing them. But I found all my size 6 LL Bean shorts, capris and pants (which are smaller than my size 4 Eddie Bauer shorts) which I really never thought I'd be able to wear again...I'd given up!
And I actually thought I'd donated them all to Goodwill but I'm SOOOOO glad I didn't because I LOVE them and now they do fit!! As long as I'm nearer 110-111 and not 113 and above. YES, 2 or 3 pounds does make that much of a difference to me because it's ALL at my waist and I can't stand for my waist band to be too tight!
So I have that as a motivation to stay 110-111 or even lose another pound or two...AS LONG AS I CAN MAINTAIN IT!!
See...if you'd asked me back in April when I joined Weight Watchers, I would've told you that success to me means finding a weight that is healthy and that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I just wanted to stop the gain-lose-gain-lose cycle that has been going on for 6 years and getting worse with each year.
And even now I have that uncertainty about maintaining this weight all the way through the Winter Challenge...that's why this is such a big deal! December to February ALWAYS trips me up! And that's why I think I could accept 120, even though it's not my optimum weight, if that turns out to be the weight that I can maintain throughout the year, even over the winter months. But I wouldn't be TOTALLY happy...
If I could get my stomach to a certain size and then keep it there, yes, I would define that as success...no matter what the scale said.............as long as I stayed there long term!! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!
- would I say I've reached success if I stayed the same weight year-round, for say, 5 years in a row?
Well, yeah...but no, not really. If I stayed 130 year round...NO WAY!! That would definitely NOT be success in my book. That would be failure as I would look and feel FAT all year round! So it's not just maintaining the same weight...it has to be a weight below a certain level.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm medically healthy and maintaining that?
Um...yeah, not so much! hahahahaha So it DOES have something to do with size and weight and the way I feel when I'm running and the way I look in the mirror and if I'm wearing the clothes I want to wear.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm eating a certain way?
Well, sorta...if I'm eating such a restricted diet that I can't have ANY or very minimal treat foods, then no, that wouldn't be happy or nice and I wouldn't call that success. That would be a failure of a different sort.
But I understand that allowing myself too much free rein leads quickly to weight gain and would not lead to success either.
Actually, it just now came to me...this is what I would call success....BALANCE. BALANCE.
I'm thin but not too thin...thin enough...and not too thick.
I'm exercising in a fun way but not an "addicted compulsive" way. Exercising FOR fun and not a HAVE-TO way.
I'm eating healthy foods 80% of the time and enjoying treats 20% of the time...fully enjoying both!
And I'm maintaining a realistic, nice-looking, healthy weight range ALL YEAR ROUND, until I die!
Well, I think that's it...kudos if you made it all the way to the end = )
116.6 at meeting
111.2 at home
Wow...I survived Christmas Week and didn't gain! Also had worse weather and couldn't run and walk outside as much as normal but still did just fine...what a relief!
I've still been enjoying the treadmill running but I've started missing being outside my normal amount. I'm sure Piper, my black lab, is also missing his normal allotment of daily outside miles in our beautiful park.
Now, on to my "Success Story". This is another writing exercise in the Success Journal from the new member's kit from Weight Watchers. But, here's the deal: every time I thought of a "marker of success" it always had a clarifier with it...so it doesn't feel like I have a CLEAR success story...more of a wait-and-see-general-idea of a success story.
Anyhow, this is what I came up with...I actually asked myself "how would I define success for me?" so it's a series of questions and answers...and more questions...you'll see what I mean! hahaha
- would I say I've reached success at a certain weight?
Well...there are definitely numbers on the scale where I know I FEEL better physically. I know that anything over 120 (these will all be the clean weights - nekkid, empty stomach, etc) is heavy or jiggly or full in the waist. See, I can't even really describe it!! I just know that that is definitely a "line in the sand".
I know that the less I weigh, the better, down to about 108. I feel better, I feel like I look better, I run better, I move better...everything is better. EXCEPT...if I really struggle to MAINTAIN 108, then it's not better!!! And if I can't maintain long-term, then I definitely would not call it a success.
((And honestly, I felt AWESOME at 98-100 and ran the best of my life but I understand that at my age now (that was 8 years ago), that probably is not healthy anymore (affects bone density) and definitely would not be easily maintainable... it took some pretty strict eating and fast, long miles!))
So...where I'm at right now...110-113...so far I've maintained this...not for the 29 weeks listed above...that started with reaching my official goal weight at Weight Watchers...which is 120 clean weight...which is the number I decided that would be minimally acceptable and easily maintained long term...even though I knew I wouldn't REALLY be happy there since it's the maximum "ok" weight for me. See how hard this is?!!!
I've maintained the 110-113 for about 8 weeks now. I lost the extra pounds with the help of the strictly limited diet for Betsy but I've been able to maintain the weight eating the 32 points a day suggested by WW for maintenance mode. And I've enjoyed holiday goodies too!
It DOES feel like this weight might be do-able...I'm not totally happy with the way my body looks...my belly really = ( But I know that has to do with body fat percentage and not weight in general. I know I could maintain this same weight but "streamline" my body by increasing muscle mass and decreasing body fat.
My body fat percentage is actually slowly reducing...I had a 17.7% reading the other night and most nights it's not much above 20%. The fat on my stomach is always the first to come and the last to go!
So, I do kinda feel like this could be a point of success...but only if I DO maintain it long term... and I won't know that until I actually do! So I don't feel like I can use that criteria to determine whether I'm successful because it's always "a work in progress" until I breathe my last.
- would I say I've reached success at a certain size?
I had a goal of being able to wear all the size 6 shorts I'd bought for last summer. I reached that and then they got loose...some of them too loose and I quit wearing them. But I found all my size 6 LL Bean shorts, capris and pants (which are smaller than my size 4 Eddie Bauer shorts) which I really never thought I'd be able to wear again...I'd given up!
And I actually thought I'd donated them all to Goodwill but I'm SOOOOO glad I didn't because I LOVE them and now they do fit!! As long as I'm nearer 110-111 and not 113 and above. YES, 2 or 3 pounds does make that much of a difference to me because it's ALL at my waist and I can't stand for my waist band to be too tight!
So I have that as a motivation to stay 110-111 or even lose another pound or two...AS LONG AS I CAN MAINTAIN IT!!
See...if you'd asked me back in April when I joined Weight Watchers, I would've told you that success to me means finding a weight that is healthy and that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I just wanted to stop the gain-lose-gain-lose cycle that has been going on for 6 years and getting worse with each year.
And even now I have that uncertainty about maintaining this weight all the way through the Winter Challenge...that's why this is such a big deal! December to February ALWAYS trips me up! And that's why I think I could accept 120, even though it's not my optimum weight, if that turns out to be the weight that I can maintain throughout the year, even over the winter months. But I wouldn't be TOTALLY happy...
If I could get my stomach to a certain size and then keep it there, yes, I would define that as success...no matter what the scale said.............as long as I stayed there long term!! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!
- would I say I've reached success if I stayed the same weight year-round, for say, 5 years in a row?
Well, yeah...but no, not really. If I stayed 130 year round...NO WAY!! That would definitely NOT be success in my book. That would be failure as I would look and feel FAT all year round! So it's not just maintaining the same weight...it has to be a weight below a certain level.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm medically healthy and maintaining that?
Um...yeah, not so much! hahahahaha So it DOES have something to do with size and weight and the way I feel when I'm running and the way I look in the mirror and if I'm wearing the clothes I want to wear.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm eating a certain way?
Well, sorta...if I'm eating such a restricted diet that I can't have ANY or very minimal treat foods, then no, that wouldn't be happy or nice and I wouldn't call that success. That would be a failure of a different sort.
But I understand that allowing myself too much free rein leads quickly to weight gain and would not lead to success either.
Actually, it just now came to me...this is what I would call success....BALANCE. BALANCE.
I'm thin but not too thin...thin enough...and not too thick.
I'm exercising in a fun way but not an "addicted compulsive" way. Exercising FOR fun and not a HAVE-TO way.
I'm eating healthy foods 80% of the time and enjoying treats 20% of the time...fully enjoying both!
And I'm maintaining a realistic, nice-looking, healthy weight range ALL YEAR ROUND, until I die!
Well, I think that's it...kudos if you made it all the way to the end = )
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