Or should that be stomach???
Week 19 Maintenance - 121.6 at the meeting
Yes, I went up 1.2 pounds!
I have often tried to describe a food addiction to someone who doesn't have one. It is the same as an alcohol or drug addiction. If you are an alcoholic, how successful do you think you'd be at staying sober if you kept beer, wine and liquor in the house? If you are addicted to heroin, how successful do you think you would be at staying clean if you knew there was heroin in the guest bedroom and some in the kitchen pantry?
EPIC FAIL!
It is THE SAME for me with certain foods and/or types of foods. I CANNOT resist, there is not enough willpower or discipline or physical, mental, emotional strength on this planet to keep me from succumbing to the pull of...
- M & M's
- white chocolate macadamia nut cookies
- chocolate chip cookies
- Wheat Thins
This is only a partial list...but these are the foods that I gave in to...I got drunk with...I got high on...this past week = (
If I was required to keep these foods in the house at all times, I honestly and seriously don't know the end point of how fat and unhealthy I would be. 200 pounds? 400 pounds?? 600 pounds??? YES! It's totally possible!
I CANNOT resist these foods! Wow...I tried...I tried HARD...I tried not eating them at all, I tried eating only a small portion, I tried eating just one normal-sized portion per day, I tried eating one normal-sized portion after each meal.
Finally, with a great sense of relief, I ate the last M & M, the last cookie, the last Wheat Thin...ahhhh...they're gone! Yeah, I should've just thrown them out. But I saved them for Petey to enjoy...he, of the perfect willpower, had just a few and was content.
I told him he'd better hide the M & M's where I couldn't find them or they were going to be gone soon. Did I mention they were the peanut butter M & M's???!!! Heroin with a crack cocaine chaser!!!
He didn't hide them, I finished them. That's all, folks. End of story.
My Petey is a wonderfully giving, helping husband. I'm the one who struggles with feeling guilty at making him suffer for my weakness...my addiction. After the packet-stuffing party we had last Saturday, I kept the leftover M & M's and 2 each of the cookies, thinking that maybe I could be "good enough" or "strong enough" to resist and give him the chance to have a yummy little treat for a change.
Nope, I'm not...I'm not good enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm still as addicted as ever and I really think I'll be this way for the rest of my life! Unless M & M's miraculously start tasting like dog poop, then I might have a chance...
Petey will have to treat himself to these special foods away from home or hide them from me if he brings them home. Or I will throw them away in the garbage if I see or find them. And I'll have to scoop the litter boxes and put some cat poop on top of them in the garbage...
Yes, I've had to do that multiple times in the past. I throw something away, then dig it out of the garbage later. I have to throw something disgusting on top of the "drug" food... that's how bad I have it = (
Pretty ugly picture, huh?
I would love to play that little video of me digging in the garbage for the next person who says to me, "Weight Watchers??? You don't need Weight Watchers!! You're skinny!!" Would you tell an alcoholic that she doesn't need AA just because she happens to be sober right then? The only reason she's sober is because she's recognized her NEED for Alcoholics Anonymous!
And the only reason I'm a healthy weight right now is because I have the opportunity to belong to Weight Watchers. Thank You, God!!!
Now to get back on track...it can be hard after enjoying the taste of those high-fat, high-sugar foods...it kicks my desire for them into over-drive. Thankfully, my back has improved enough for me to get back to running...that should help. I'll let ya know next week!
Oh yeah...I did get two "clips" for my Pandora bracelet to celebrate 18 weeks maintaining. I sure hope I get to add to my bracelet in the future...
i love your honesty. i can appreciate your struggle. "if it's there, it's to be eaten, all of it, at once!" i have the opposite problem. i don't eat. i purposely don't buy "bad" food. i'd rather clean toilets than eat. and so my body thinks it's starving & tries to hang on to every fat cell - i think it "borrows" fat cells from other people too!!!! food addictions aren't easy to deal with. people think you DON'T have a problem because you're skinny. people think i MUST eat ALL the time. and both of us are totally misunderstood.
ReplyDeletepraying for you & loving you!