Over-correction...but happy about it!

Week 20 of Maintaining

119.8 at meeting, clothed, after breakfast, 116.8 at home, unclothed, before breakfast

So, the 1.2 lbs that I gained last week resulted in a 1.8 lb loss this week, thanks to being so disgusted with myself that I was SUPER careful about what I ate and also, in a positive way, getting back to my normal running and walking schedule!

Every time I have a moderate gain, I think "uh oh, is this it? is this the first step on the downhill slide to being overweight again?"  And then when I'm able to return to my "I'm ok with this weight" range, I'm ever so thankful!!!

For the record...119's are great, 120's are fine, 121's are watch out! and 122's are DANGER, DANGER, Will Robinson!! 

UNLESS...the body fat is way down and/or the hydration level is way up and then I'm fine with the 121's and 122's...especially if accompanied by a nailing of the speed workouts for that week  = ))

Someone reading this might think that it's not healthy or good to be that concerned with the weights but I know myself too well. I know my history too well. If I'm not concerned with these weights, if I'm not constantly staying on top of them, BAM! just like THAT, I'm up 10 pounds! 

And I think most everyone can understand that it's much easier to lose 3 pounds rather than 10 pounds or more...much less daunting...much less stressful...much less depressing! If you want to refresh yourself on my history...why I joined Weight Watchers...then go back to the April blog posts and start reading.

In other news...I got another little gadget to keep me informed...to challenge me...in my journey to maintain this healthy weight: a Weight Watchers pedometer! They had them on sale yesterday and their pedometer provides more information than the other basic pedometers I've seen and used over the years. 

I like these gadgets...my Nike Fuelband, the pedometer, my GPS running watch, the Nike+ website, my yearly calendars with each day's activities and happenings recorded...SO much fun to go back and look through those calendars!

Weight Watchers is also coming out with their version of the sport accelerometer like my Nike Fuelband. I'm thinking about it  = )  It also would give me more/different information than my Fuelband does and it issues challenges based on your previous activity. That might be fun! 

Hey, anything that keeps me motivated and moving toward the ultimate goal, I'm interested in! Especially with these winter months coming up...speaking of...

It was cold today! That north wind kept me feeling chilled all day  = (  I was at packet pick-up for our running club's half marathon on Sunday (soooooooo glad I'm not running it!!!) so I didn't get to run this morning. I thought about maybe running this evening but I decided to do an extra long walk instead. BRRRRRR....I wished I'd had a hat and mittens!

Ugh...I'm dreading the winter...cool, cold temps...being uncomfortable heading out to run in the morning...more cloudy days...more rain. I was telling TWGN (the world's greatest neighbor!) tonight that I dread running in the cold MUCH more than I dread running in the heat! Almost 90* and I'm just heading out...no biggie...almost 50* and you have to kick me out the door and lock it behind me!

But the good thing...what I'm very thankful for...is that I live in South Texas where when it does get cold, it doesn't stay that way for more than a few days before it warms up again and we have more sunshine...Thank You, God!!

And I realize that "cold" is a relative term. It was 56* today but with wind chills in the low-40's. Might not be cold to some...or most...but it's cold to me and that's what matters...to me and my weight-maintaining journey  = )

Ok, gotta walk around a bit more so I can hit 5000 on my Nike Fuel earned today before I go to bed...good night!

My addiction hits me full in the face!

Or should that be stomach???

Week 19 Maintenance - 121.6 at the meeting

Yes, I went up 1.2 pounds! 

I have often tried to describe a food addiction to someone who doesn't have one. It is the same as an alcohol or drug addiction. If you are an alcoholic, how successful do you think you'd be at staying sober if you kept beer, wine and liquor in the house? If you are addicted to heroin, how successful do you think you would be at staying clean if you knew there was heroin in the guest bedroom and some in the kitchen pantry?

EPIC FAIL!

It is THE SAME for me with certain foods and/or types of foods. I CANNOT resist, there is not enough willpower or discipline or physical, mental, emotional strength on this planet to keep me from succumbing to the pull of...

- M & M's
- white chocolate macadamia nut cookies
- chocolate chip cookies
- Wheat Thins

This is only a partial list...but these are the foods that I gave in to...I got drunk with...I got high on...this past week  = (

If I was required to keep these foods in the house at all times, I honestly and seriously don't know the end point of how fat and unhealthy I would be. 200 pounds? 400 pounds?? 600 pounds??? YES! It's totally possible!

I CANNOT resist these foods! Wow...I tried...I tried HARD...I tried not eating them at all, I tried eating only a small portion, I tried eating just one normal-sized portion per day, I tried eating one normal-sized portion after each meal. 

Finally, with a great sense of relief, I ate the last M & M, the last cookie, the last Wheat Thin...ahhhh...they're gone! Yeah, I should've just thrown them out. But I saved them for Petey to enjoy...he, of the perfect willpower, had just a few and was content.

I told him he'd better hide the M & M's where I couldn't find them or they were going to be gone soon. Did I mention they were the peanut butter M & M's???!!! Heroin with a crack cocaine chaser!!!

He didn't hide them, I finished them. That's all, folks. End of story.

My Petey is a wonderfully giving, helping husband. I'm the one who struggles with feeling guilty at making him suffer for my weakness...my addiction. After the packet-stuffing party we had last Saturday, I kept the leftover M & M's and 2 each of the cookies, thinking that maybe I could be "good enough" or "strong enough" to resist and give him the chance to have a yummy little treat for a change.

Nope, I'm not...I'm not good enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm still as addicted as ever and I really think I'll be this way for the rest of my life! Unless M & M's miraculously start tasting like dog poop, then I might have a chance...

Petey will have to treat himself to these special foods away from home or hide them from me if he brings them home. Or I will throw them away in the garbage if I see or find them. And I'll have to scoop the litter boxes and put some cat poop on top of them in the garbage...

Yes, I've had to do that multiple times in the past. I throw something away, then dig it out of the garbage later. I have to throw something disgusting on top of the "drug" food... that's how bad I have it  = (   

Pretty ugly picture, huh? 

I would love to play that little video of me digging in the garbage for the next person who says to me, "Weight Watchers??? You don't need Weight Watchers!! You're skinny!!"  Would you tell an alcoholic that she doesn't need AA just because she happens to be sober right then? The only reason she's sober is because she's recognized her NEED for Alcoholics Anonymous!

And the only reason I'm a healthy weight right now is because I have the opportunity to belong to Weight Watchers. Thank You, God!!!

Now to get back on track...it can be hard after enjoying the taste of those high-fat, high-sugar foods...it kicks my desire for them into over-drive. Thankfully, my back has improved enough for me to get back to running...that should help. I'll let ya know next week!

Oh yeah...I did get two "clips" for my Pandora bracelet to celebrate 18 weeks maintaining. I sure hope I get to add to my bracelet in the future...

Week 18 Maintenance

Half-way through the fall quarter!!

120.4 at the meeting

I didn't stop and get my spacer beads after the meeting today. I glanced at the little Pandora catalog before I left for Weight Watchers and there were WAY more choices than I thought there would be so I've decided to wait until I've spent some time looking at everything. The anticipation is almost as much fun as getting the thing so this will just add more "fun" to the experience  = )

My back is slowly SLOWLY getting better. I have lots of times during the day when I'm not thinking about it...which means that it's not hurting badly enough to be in the front part of my brain. 

I haven't taken a muscle relaxant for several days now and today I skipped the anti-inflammatory just to get an idea of how far I've progressed. I'm tempted to take something tonight because today was VERY busy with lots of physical activity and the next two days are going to be the same.

But I really want to see how my back feels tomorrow, unmedicated, to get an idea of where I stand. 

I have been walking 3 miles almost every day...the muscles tighten up while I'm walking so I stop and stretch a few times. It seems as if there's been no change in this respect for several days so I'm tempted to try a short run even though I'm not totally pain-free yet.

I figure if it hurts while I'm walking but doesn't get worse afterwards, I might as well be running! But I'm going to be good and wait until Monday...I've got alot of "mothers" keeping an eye on me to see if I start running again before I'm "all better"  = ))

I am so very thankful that I've been able to maintain my weight even though I've not been running and also had reduced activity in general. I don't know if the same would be true in the colder months...I sure hope I don't have to find out!

Week 17 Maintenance

Weighed 120.6 at the meeting. 

I'm actually quite pleased with that number since I haven't been able to run for over a week and have even had to reduce my walking. AND my daily around-the-house activity is greatly reduced also.

My back was really good on Monday and even better on Tuesday and then worse on Wednesday...probably because I did too much on Monday and Tuesday  = ((

So to be able to maintain my goal weight range with greatly reduced activity is the biggest confidence booster I've had so far. I've always wondered what would happen if I couldn't run anymore...would it just be CRAZY hard to maintain a healthy weight or would I just get fatter and fatter? Would I be able to find some other activity that I enjoyed and could do to burn a similar number of calories as running?

In one aspect, I'm thankful for this back trouble because it's shown me that my appetite responds to the reduced activity so my eating is reduced also. That's a really great thing heading in to the winter months that I've dreaded for so long. Maybe I won't want to eat everything in sight come December! 

And I REALLY like walking...R.E.A.L.L.Y  Almost as much as or possibly even as much as running!!! And walking is something that even greatly-health-compromised people can do and benefit from. This brings me lots of comfort  = )

As for the back...it is slowly getting better...but it's recovery is so easily set-back. I had to spend a couple hours in the car today...sitting is the WORST...and so tonight it's hurting more than usual.

Also, I'm pretty sure I have a bladder infection too, so now other parts of my back are hurting...and parts of my front  = ( 

I'm excited to get my Pandora bracelet spacers next week...half-way through the fall twelve-week period!!

I have the opportunity to do a 5k in my park on November 3rd...I'd love to do it and see if I can beat my best time from last year. Gotta wait and see if my back will recover in time...

My body continues to fight me...

Week 16 of Maintenance...that's 4 MONTHS of maintaining!!! 6 months since joining Weight Watchers and eating according to PointsPlus every day. Wow, the time has gone by so quickly!!

Weighed 119.0 at home, 120.4 at the meeting

So...I'm happy to report that my body fat percentage has returned to normal...21-23%. I'd love for it to be consistently under 23% but as long as it's close, I'm good. I still have no idea what made it go up!

My problem now...my BIG problem now, is my left lower back...the "dimple" joint, to be specific. I strained it 2 weeks ago while moving furniture around for when I hosted Ladies Bible Study here. Then a number of different things (that I know now) exacerbated it and as of Tuesday...nasty, nasty, miserable pain  = (

I kept running because it seemed to make it feel better. And it definitely felt better while I was running and immediately after. But then several hours after and for the rest of the day, it was considerably worse. So I decided to rest from running and just walk.

I enjoyed the walks...mentally, emotionally, spiritually...but experienced the same worsening of the back pain later on during the day. Yesterday and today I've rested from all but essential activity.

I've been experimenting with what helps, what hurts and what doesn't seem to make a difference. I'm starting to think a doctor visit might be in my future but I'd like to give it a few more days of "being good"...meaning, not doing anything that makes it worse to give my back a chance to get better...such as sitting for almost 2 hours in prayer meeting last night!!!

Sitting is the WORST. Walking is good, until I get tired of being on my feet. Laying down on the heating pad feels pretty nice. I've got some good meds that I'm taking now...I didn't start taking anything for at least a week cause I just kept thinking that it was a bit of soreness that would go away on its own.

But something to be thankful for...with the rest from running has also come the rest from a ravenous appetite! That is SO nice...there's a teeny-tiny part of my brain that says "stop running and you can feel this way all the time!"  But then a bigger part of my brain gets sad and says "nooooooo!!! you would miss it SOOOO much!!"

2 more weeks and I get some spacer beads for my Pandora bracelet  = ))

Where did my body go???!

Week 15 of Maintenance - 119.6 clothed weight at home, 120.6 at meeting (drank a 16 oz protein shake on the way)

I wish I had my own laboratory and needles and x-rays and such so I could do testing on myself. I would surely like to know WHAT is going on inside my body!!

I've had a good couple of weeks with my body fat percentage creeping lower and lower and my runs getting faster and faster. I felt so excited to see these changes because it was exactly what I was aiming for.

Then...this past week. I get on the scale at night, normal weight, body fat up about 1/2 a percent. Hmmmm...need to drink more water tomorrow. (the body fat reading is closely related to the body water percentage...if I'm dehydrated, the fat number will be higher).

So I drink plenty the next day, get on the scale at night, nice low number for the weight, my body fat number is 1% higher this night! And this continues for the rest of the week. My weight stays the same, even going down 1-2 lbs (hit my lowest night weight so far - 118.6 pounds!) but my body fat creeps up .5 - 1% every night - 20% at the beginning of the week, 25% at the end...WHAT???!!!

I didn't consciously change my eating at all...like eating less fat to try and stop the uprising. An interesting thing though...I was far less hungry than I usually am...I wasn't thinking about "what can I eat next" all the time like normal.

The other change was in my running...it was requiring more and more effort to run the same paces that I'd run the previous weeks. The worst day was using more effort to run 2.4 miles at a 9:58 pace than I needed to run 5 miles at a 9:02 pace the week before!

But the not being hungry all the time was SOOOOO nice! There were a number of times where I had to make myself eat because I'd had a very small lunch, no snack and it was past supper.

So after all that I discovered something interesting about my feelings towards those numbers: I would gladly trade a higher body fat and slower running paces for not being hungry all the time, having to resist eating, having to come up with so much will-power to "just say no" and have my weight almost effortlessly stay within the goal range.

For those of you that know me better, amazing, huh?? Even for myself I would have said the exact opposite was true...any amount of hard work is worth being able to run fast! 

I wish I could run tests on myself and discover why this happened...to learn from it and have that knowledge in my "battle of the bulge" arsenal. I'm going to start keeping track of my body water percentage also so I'll know what a normal hydration level is and will be able to recognize if I'm dehydrated.

Always learning, always trying, every day a chance for success, failure or both...

116.0 nekkid...119 after eating, drinking and getting dressed, 120.2 at the meeting after drinking more on the way and putting my sweater on  = )

It's been an interesting week...some really good happy things...some really not good unhappy things. First, the good...

Ran 5 miles at a 9:02 pace...amazing!! It's SO wonderful to run faster than I expect to...LOVE that surprise...love the accomplishment thinking "there's no way I can hold this pace" and then not only hold it but surpass it! My splits were 9:17, 9:12, 8:56, 8:55, 8:53...ya-hooo!

My weight had been creeping up (see below) so I had a careful day and my body responded very quickly and very well...weighed less than I wanted to or expected on my weigh-in last night. It's nice to know that my metabolism works so well...very thankful for that! 

We had a few cooler mornings this week...enjoyed that and looking forward to a glorious fall season...and a winter with NO MARATHON TRAINING!!! After spending the last 8 winters training for marathons and then recovering from and adjusting to the after-marathon months, I'm SOOOOOOO looking forward to NOT doing that this winter!!!

Totally enjoyed the week spent with my Sweety Petey  = )))

Now the not-so-good...

I've slowly gotten into the habit of not tracking my food until after I climb in to bed to read. I would keep track in my head during the day and was doing fine until some little subtle "switch" or something happened.

One day I didn't measure the portions on several foods...such as dipping crackers in hummus...I measured the crackers but not the hummus. Then I ate chips out of the bag instead of counting them out. One day I ate a little of this, a little of that (hi Lori!! hahaha) and discovered that I'd eaten over 40 points that day when I'm only supposed to have 32 points at the most.

But since I didn't track until going to bed, it was too late to stop BEFORE it happened. I also saw my weight creeping up ever so slowly...not a huge concern...but my body fat went up 3-4%...and I could tell it in how I felt! 

TRULY, I could tell a difference in how my stomach looked and felt...I got on the scale expecting to see a 2-3 pound gain but didn't. THEN I saw the body fat gain...depressing.

The good news (see above) is that my weight responded quickly but my body fat is slower to respond.

Oh yeah...I also have had a few times where I've gotten over-hungry and did not have healthy food with me so I ate unhealthy...bakery cupcake with buttercream frosting, anyone?!

So I need to get back to tracking my food during the day so I can make adjustments BEFORE the day ends and I'm already in bed! Either I need to start writing things down again rather than tracking on my iPad and iPhone or maybe I need to just track on my phone since that's usually right handy.

Anyhow, I've learned a number of things...or been reminded of things I already knew...I MUST measure portions and track and weigh every night! I'm thankful that I didn't get so down on myself that I decided to skip weighing since I was afraid of the numbers on the scale. That at least kept me on track!

But now this evening, I've eaten a number of things that I didn't measure ahead of time so I've done it again  = (   It's SO EASY to do that!! 

This is most definitely something that I MUST get a handle on if I'm going to have long-term success at maintenance. You'd think after 14 weeks of maintaining that the habit would be so ingrained that I would just naturally do it but oh how quickly I slip back into old habits!

Maybe portioning the chips out into little baggies in the proper serving sizes would help me to practice mindful eating. Not having the food in the house helps but it's nice for Petey to have snacks when he's home...I just need to learn the best way for me to handle them!

Anyhow, I keep reminding myself that it's a process...a journey...with successes and failures along the way...always learning, adapting...each new day a chance to do it right!

Last Short-term Goal Met!

Week 13 of maintenance...weighed 120.8 at the meeting...117.2 nekkid weight

Several things have made me happy this past week in my healthy-weight-for-a-lifetime adventure...

#1 - I've totally enjoyed my new bracelet and look forward to earning more charms and beads  = )

#2 - a super-duper interval track workout on Monday where my 400 times ranged from 1:55 to 1:49...a 7:40 pace to a 7:16...totally didn't expect that!

#3 - my body fat percentage went below 20% for the first time!! I haven't seen that number again but I've had several weigh-ins that have been close.

#4 - my moderate run this morning was faster than I expected over a longer distance than I expected...4 miles at a 9:05 pace!! I was hoping to do a 9:15 pace for 3 miles at a moderate effort level but felt good so I tacked on an extra mile...and still held to the faster than expected pace...I'm doing the happy dance!!

#5 - I feel like my final short-term goal of getting my running paces back down to a respectable level has been reached. And I feel certain that I will continue to improve over the next several months.

#6 - my weight has actually gone up a pound in addition to my body fat going down... muscle, baby, MUSCLE!! I'm excited to keep doing what I've been doing and see where things level out.

#7 - my weights this year are now running consistently lower than my weights from last year. I'm using the comparison to motivate me to KEEP ON GOING. Especially when I get to the days where my weight started to creep up more, if my current weight stays steady, that will be a WONDERFUL feeling...one that will hopefully fuel my determination to get through the winter months without gaining!

Time for bed...good night!

BUSTED!!!

hahahaha  I think my Weight Watchers leader is on to me  = )

I continue to go back and forth over losing a little more weight or trying to REALLY maintain my current, stated, goal weight range (122-126 weighing in at the meeting with clothes and shoes on).

Right now, I'm ever so slowly losing more weight without trying. I would have to work to maintain. As happy as I am about that now, I'm on the other end of the emotional spectrum when I think about how hard I'll have to work to maintain during the winter months... from the other side of the acceptable weight range!!

But back to the story...if you remember, I weighed 119.8 at the meeting last week and got the feeling that I had reached the "you can keep on losing and we won't say anything...to a point" point.

I always weigh myself before I leave home so I know what I'll weigh at the meeting. I make sure I have everything on that I'm going to have on for weigh-in. I chose a pair of denim overalls and weighed 118.8 at home today... 116.6 nekkid weight.

I knew I would gain some with eating my meal replacement bar and drinking (I was VERY thirsty after my 4 mile run and drank ALOT!!) on the way to the meeting but I wanted to BE SURE and be above 120 when I got there...figured that would keep them from saying anything since they didn't before.

Once I got there, I put my sweater on too, to be on the safe side, to get weighed but then weighed 122 so I took the sweater off and got 120.8 for my official weight. I was happy and told Kim (our leader) that I was making sure I wasn't below 120 this week...thinking she would be proud of me for not losing more weight.

She looked at me with a sneaky grin and said "yeah, but your overalls weigh more!" BUSTED!!! hahahahaha  But she's probably seen all sorts of things in her 7 years as a WW leader so this was nothing new  = )

In other news...I hit 12 weeks maintaining today!! Hard to believe it's been 3 months already. I hope the next 9 months go by as quickly...not as in "life passing me by" but as in "I made it through the winter months successfully and am celebrating my 1 year maintaining anniversary!"

So I earned my 3 month charm for my bracelet  = )   I chose a pony, cause...well, it's me!  My neighbor (yes, I hear the pun in my head) had a neat idea...she was asking if I was going to get any spacers to go between the charms or beads. I figured I would but hadn't thought that far ahead. 

Now I've decided that I'll get a spacer at the 6 week point in the quarter and then the next charm or bead at the 12 week point. That will spread the excitement, anticipation and motivation out a little bit more  = )

I think my next bead/charm will be an airplane...for my Sweety Petey, of course!! And then IF I can make it through the winter months, that bead/charm will have to be extra special!

My running continues to improve...faster, easier and all around great! I did 4 miles at a 9:34 pace this morning and that was with backing off here and there to keep the effort easy. On Monday I did 3.11 miles (5k) at an 8:54 average pace...in the morning, at 10am, in AUGUST. It was hard work but it felt AWESOME!!!

I'm still not back to the paces I was running last fall but I feel like I'm well on my way and the cooler weather will help too. My weight is where it was this time last year but my body fat percentage is better this time. 

The numbers started to creep up in September and October of last year, then more in November and then December BIG TIME so I was already a couple pounds heavier for the fall races. Not sure if I'll do the same races this year but I'd like to do at least one to see if I can beat my time from last year.

I'm so thankful that I have tracked my weight and body fat numbers so I can look back and compare. I have several year's worth of food journals from when I was at my optimum "maximum muscle and minimum fat" years. That would be 98-100 pounds and 11-13% body fat...now THAT'S when I really ran well!!

Anyhow, I doubt I'll see those numbers again...it was almost 10 years ago. But I'm still striving to run the best that I can at this age and time of my life. It's just encouraging to look back on my numbers from last year and be doing better this year. Maybe that will make a difference for these dreaded winter months...I hope I hope I hope!

Maintenance Week 11

Weighed 119.8 at the meeting. I got a bit of a hassle about the weight today. Guess that number in the teens did it!

I was drinking my breakfast protein shake on the way there, expecting the fluid would put me up close to a pound over my weight at home but it didn't. Oh well...

Something from this past week that I wanted to share with ya'll...I had another good reminder that it does not take as much food volume to fill me up as I always think it does!

We had the wonderful opportunity to meet up in Galveston with some AWESOME friends from where we used to live. My eating was all messed up with different meal times and amounts and types of food. I expected to have gained at least a pound or two when I got home but was shocked to see that I tied my lowest weight in over a year!

Anyhow...what really made an impact was this: I'd eaten extra food during the day...lunch at Wendy's, etc. So I just ordered a cup of soup for supper. I was tempted to get the bowl and Petey even asked if the cup would fill me up. I figured it wouldn't but planned on eating a protein bar later when I got hungry.

Imagine my surprise to discover that the cup of soup DID fill me up! I had this thought run through my brain, "always give a smaller portion of food the chance to fill me up". 

Usually I decide on how much food I'm going to eat based on how many points the meal is and how many points I've already eaten that day. I measure the food, get it in the bowl or on the plate and then often think, "that's not enough, it won't fill me up" and then I add more food to the bowl or plate.

But maybe, just MAYBE, the original portion would satisfy me just fine! I should at least give it a chance to do so. Measure, eat, wait 30-60 minutes, then eat more if I'm truly still hungry!

This isn't so important right now while I'm maintaining easily but it just might be something that helps me get through the winter months successfully without gaining weight.

Another thing I've been bouncing around in my head...starting a charm bracelet to "reward" myself for each 3 month period that I maintain. The charms on my neat 10% keychain that I got from Weight Watchers when I hit 10% weight loss have been a great motivator to keep going. And like I told ya'll last week, I'm more than a little bummed that I won't be getting any more charms until I hit 1 year of maintaining.

So a charm bracelet might be alot of fun  = )   I've admired the Pandora charms and beads for quite awhile...it'd be neat to choose a charm or bead that held a special memory to the quarter that just passed. Then work to fill the bracelet up! With only getting one charm or bead 4 times a year, the bracelet would take several years to fill up...

Anyhow, I haven't totally decided on that but I need to decide pretty quick since I've just started on my 12th week of maintaining! I'll let ya know....