Today completes week 40 of maintaining...and the dreaded "winter challenge" has been successfully completed...I made it through the winter without gaining weight! And now my summer shorts fit just fine...loose even!...and I don't have to do the normal "spring challenge" of losing the extra weight...HALLELUJAH!!!!
2-14 116.6 at meeting (clothes, shoes, etc)
2-21 116.4
2-28 117.4 - starting to lose it a bit
3-7 118.0 - get back on track NOW!
3-14 117.2 - ahhhh...that's better
All my adult years my life has followed this formula: a nice balance of work and pleasure - ok, maybe I can add this one thing to my schedule - yes, I guess I can help you with that - I'm already busy but I can see I'm gonna HAVE to do that - uh, I don't have time for that - bummer...I'm falling behind! - what happened??? I'm running out of time to get my daily chores done on time! - YIKES!!!! I'm WAY too busy and I'm WAY unhappy about it!! - that's it, I'm cutting everything out!! And then the cycle starts all over again = (
And that's where I am right now. I'm not adding any new responsibilities. I'm telling people "my schedule is full". I want to have time for the things and ideas that God has laid on my heart to do. It's SO easy to get pulled away from that goal...I get asked to do something else "for the church" or for someone else and it's worthy work and "someone's gotta do it" and it's hard to say no but it's WRONG for me to say yes if it causes me to say NO to the things God has shown me to do!
I had a wonderful December. And I'm thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful December because now I have a living example of what it means to live in balance...what it feels like, what choices are made, how the good frequency of different events plays out. So now I just need to make all my months match up to how I lived in December! I'm sure gonna try = ))
On the eating-right front: as you can see from my weights above, I did start having an upward spike. I hit 119.6 for one of my nightly weigh-ins. I wasn't tracking, I wasn't measuring, I was eating too many treat foods, I was allowing myself WAY too much freedom...and the inevitable happened, of course!
The thing that was different this time is that I didn't panic...my "positive-talk" kicked right in and said "you KNOW what to do...now do it!" and I did. I've started tracking a new way...a white board on my fridge. I also have all the healthy snack choices listed. I'm measuring, making better choices...and of course, the extra daily activity that comes with warmer weather helps tremendously!
I leave the previous day's tracking up so I can review it in the morning of the new day. I like having the list in front of me more frequently through the day...good reminder to be mindful about my choices. It also helps me to vary my veggie and fruit choices more. And the extra accountability of tracking "in public" can't hurt either = )
So...March is half over already. Life goes on...2 months ago today is when we saw how sick Jan was and took her to get an x-ray. Part of me can't believe she's been gone almost 2 months. Part of me can't believe she's REALLY gone at all.
I was watching for her car when I walked the dog on Tuesday evening...sometimes she would stop in at the folks' on Tuesdays after she got off work and we'd see her drive by on our walks. After a bit I realized what I was doing and felt the sadness all over again.
Her house is almost totally cleaned out. What a struggle that's been. The thing bringing me comfort right now is that her most special treasures are boxed up, here at my house, for the boys to go through sometime later.
I'm so thankful that the initial anxiety has mostly passed even though the abiding sadness has come in its place. I'm very thankful for each new day God gives me...to live for His good pleasure... to praise Him for His many wondrous gifts...to do the work He has planned for me (I WILL DO THIS!!!)...to enjoy the love of my Sweety Petey...to love on my furry babies...to run and walk in my beloved park...all of it I'm thankful for...laundry, cleaning toilets, vacuuming, even dusting...I'm alive to do it because God wills it.
At the end of my life, if people say ANYTHING other than "God" in the phrase "______was her life"....not "Petey was her life", "her dogs were her life", "running was her life"...then my life on earth will have been a complete and utter failure. My enjoyment of those fine things...Petey, my furry babies, running, friends, jewelry, crafts...will mean nothing if people who knew me think they WERE my life. I must live in such a way that everyone who knew me will say "she lived each day for God!"
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
My Life Has Changed Forever
Little did I know when I wrote the last post almost a month ago the tragic events that were going to occur only a few days after.
That Monday afternoon, January 14th, I'd gone with my mom to a doctor appointment which was in the same building where my sister worked as a nurse for a pediatrician. She'd been sick so we decided to stop in and see her after mom's appointment.
We took her to get an x-ray and then back to mom's house to be taken care of. She seemed to be doing better by Wednesday but mom found her unresponsive on the floor Thursday morning and she died in the ER a few hours later. She had just turned 49.
I was never close with my sister. We approached life from different directions... we had opposite personalities, opposite outlooks on life, opposite desires and goals, opposite ideas about what was fun to do.
But I can't begin to describe the pain of losing her...it caught me off guard. I never expected to be close to her but I never expected to lose her either...I figured she would outlive me by many years.
To have her be gone, to be so real, to be really REALLY gone...my mind could not conceive of it for a number of days. It was too upsetting to dwell on it for any length of time so I would force my mind elsewhere. But with each next step, it became more and more real.
I struggle with anxiety, even when life is going smoothly, so the next 10 days were only survived by the grace of God, moment by moment! I KNOW I can trust God...I KNOW I should trust God...I WANT to trust God in everything...I say I trust God and I do and I try to live it out.
But I don't know how that all fits together with these panic attacks so I confess what I should, fight against this problem, give myself a break when I can, and do my best to just do the next thing.
My appetite was gone and I was dropping weight very quickly...forcing myself to eat what I could when I could. Once I hit 113 lbs on my nightly weigh-in, I quit weighing myself because seeing the weight loss only added to my anxiety.
Once the memorial service was over and the rapidly occurring, very important decisions were made and things settled down into the "new normal", my appetite returned and I gained back up to my original weight.
The Weight Watchers meeting stats:
January 17, week 32 - missed the meeting, no weight
January 24, week 33 - 115.0 at meeting, 108.6 at home, clean weight
January 31, week 34 - 116.6 at meeting, 111.0 at home
February 7 week 35 - 116.2 at meeting, 110.8 at home
I haven't been tracking for a month now but I've been maintaining my weight just fine. I find myself mentally tracking though and it seems to be ok for the moment.
I'm not saying that I'm stopping tracking but it does feel nice to not have that extra to-do item even though it's a small one. I think I might start using the paper tracker to at least write my food down and the points if I know them since I have the concern in the back of my mind that it might not be the safest thing to plan on not tracking in any way.
So...here we are today: February 11th... only 17 more days left in the "dreaded winter months" challenge...I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make it! My first winter in YEARS to not gain weight that has to be lost in the spring!!!
I still never got my bead for my Pandora bracelet and on Thursday I earn my 2nd bead. I've got them picked out...just need to go to the store to get them = )
A special thank you for those reading this that have been praying for me and my family this past month. What a wonderful gift from God. {{{hugs}}}
That Monday afternoon, January 14th, I'd gone with my mom to a doctor appointment which was in the same building where my sister worked as a nurse for a pediatrician. She'd been sick so we decided to stop in and see her after mom's appointment.
We took her to get an x-ray and then back to mom's house to be taken care of. She seemed to be doing better by Wednesday but mom found her unresponsive on the floor Thursday morning and she died in the ER a few hours later. She had just turned 49.
I was never close with my sister. We approached life from different directions... we had opposite personalities, opposite outlooks on life, opposite desires and goals, opposite ideas about what was fun to do.
But I can't begin to describe the pain of losing her...it caught me off guard. I never expected to be close to her but I never expected to lose her either...I figured she would outlive me by many years.
To have her be gone, to be so real, to be really REALLY gone...my mind could not conceive of it for a number of days. It was too upsetting to dwell on it for any length of time so I would force my mind elsewhere. But with each next step, it became more and more real.
I struggle with anxiety, even when life is going smoothly, so the next 10 days were only survived by the grace of God, moment by moment! I KNOW I can trust God...I KNOW I should trust God...I WANT to trust God in everything...I say I trust God and I do and I try to live it out.
But I don't know how that all fits together with these panic attacks so I confess what I should, fight against this problem, give myself a break when I can, and do my best to just do the next thing.
My appetite was gone and I was dropping weight very quickly...forcing myself to eat what I could when I could. Once I hit 113 lbs on my nightly weigh-in, I quit weighing myself because seeing the weight loss only added to my anxiety.
Once the memorial service was over and the rapidly occurring, very important decisions were made and things settled down into the "new normal", my appetite returned and I gained back up to my original weight.
The Weight Watchers meeting stats:
January 17, week 32 - missed the meeting, no weight
January 24, week 33 - 115.0 at meeting, 108.6 at home, clean weight
January 31, week 34 - 116.6 at meeting, 111.0 at home
February 7 week 35 - 116.2 at meeting, 110.8 at home
I haven't been tracking for a month now but I've been maintaining my weight just fine. I find myself mentally tracking though and it seems to be ok for the moment.
I'm not saying that I'm stopping tracking but it does feel nice to not have that extra to-do item even though it's a small one. I think I might start using the paper tracker to at least write my food down and the points if I know them since I have the concern in the back of my mind that it might not be the safest thing to plan on not tracking in any way.
So...here we are today: February 11th... only 17 more days left in the "dreaded winter months" challenge...I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make it! My first winter in YEARS to not gain weight that has to be lost in the spring!!!
I still never got my bead for my Pandora bracelet and on Thursday I earn my 2nd bead. I've got them picked out...just need to go to the store to get them = )
A special thank you for those reading this that have been praying for me and my family this past month. What a wonderful gift from God. {{{hugs}}}
Monday, January 14, 2013
Backing away from the cliff...
116.8 at the meeting...week 31 of maintenance!
112.8 clean weight at home
Week 6 of the Winter Challenge...half-way there!! But the toughest time will be this last half...
Did you think I'd gone over the cliff when I didn't post an update on time??? Noooo...just had a very busy weekend! It's been on my to-do list since Friday = )
I knew earlier that I'd been able to quickly, within a couple of days, get my weight back into the "good" zone but I wasn't sure it would work this time...being cold, gray, winter and the nature of the foods I overate...fatty, sugary foods compared to just bigger portions of less-fatty, less-sugary foods.
I gave myself some positive self-talk that we learned about in an earlier Weight Watchers meeting. "Ok, Pony-girl, you cannot control the weather each day...what can you control?"
"Well, Head, I can control...
- drink water
- drink green tea (as long as Betsy is agreeable)
- do at least SOME exercise
- take St Johns Wort
- stay active - up and moving, minimize sitting, even when I have to stay inside all day!
- eat filler foods that I really look forward to, enjoy and are satisfying
- fruit and yogurt
- popcorn
- apples and caramel
- applesauce and oats
- soup
So, I wrote this all down on the bookmark that moves each day in my paper planner. I also got some dedicated water bottles from Costco...made by our favorite coffee/tea/water to-go mugs...Contigo. I LOVE the new water bottles! They hold 24 oz. and are transparent (in pretty colors!) so I can see at a glance how I'm doing on my water intake.
That's another thing someone shared at my WW meeting...sometimes just drinking more water makes ALL the difference when you're REALLY struggling. Sometimes that's ALL you have to do...just drink more water than you did the day before...don't try to summon up the motivation to eat healthy or the discipline to not eat unhealthy...just drink water! So it's at the top of the list = )
I've also been using my light therapy table and it does seem to help but it's been more subtle. I do make a point to be outside exercising as much as I can when we do get a sunny day.
Speaking of exercise...on our last warm-ish sunny day I went out for a run by myself. When I go with Petey, we do a run/walk thing or take the dog or whatever. This time was going to just be a straight run, with breaks for water if I needed it.
I took my iPhone so I didn't wear the watch to keep track of my pace all the time...just got spoken mile splits. TOTALLY shocked to see the final results...4.2 miles at an average 8:56 pace! Never expected to do that after just doing treadmill running and outside run/walking for over 10 days. It felt good to be outside, in the sunshine, so I ran what I felt like instead of aiming for anything.
I still haven't gotten my bead for my Pandora bracelet...need to find that catalog and decide what to get! It's fun thinking about it though, so I don't mind waiting...builds the anticipation = )
That's all for this week...a much more encouraging blog update from a much more encouraged person!
112.8 clean weight at home
Week 6 of the Winter Challenge...half-way there!! But the toughest time will be this last half...
Did you think I'd gone over the cliff when I didn't post an update on time??? Noooo...just had a very busy weekend! It's been on my to-do list since Friday = )
I knew earlier that I'd been able to quickly, within a couple of days, get my weight back into the "good" zone but I wasn't sure it would work this time...being cold, gray, winter and the nature of the foods I overate...fatty, sugary foods compared to just bigger portions of less-fatty, less-sugary foods.
I gave myself some positive self-talk that we learned about in an earlier Weight Watchers meeting. "Ok, Pony-girl, you cannot control the weather each day...what can you control?"
"Well, Head, I can control...
- drink water
- drink green tea (as long as Betsy is agreeable)
- do at least SOME exercise
- take St Johns Wort
- stay active - up and moving, minimize sitting, even when I have to stay inside all day!
- eat filler foods that I really look forward to, enjoy and are satisfying
- fruit and yogurt
- popcorn
- apples and caramel
- applesauce and oats
- soup
So, I wrote this all down on the bookmark that moves each day in my paper planner. I also got some dedicated water bottles from Costco...made by our favorite coffee/tea/water to-go mugs...Contigo. I LOVE the new water bottles! They hold 24 oz. and are transparent (in pretty colors!) so I can see at a glance how I'm doing on my water intake.
That's another thing someone shared at my WW meeting...sometimes just drinking more water makes ALL the difference when you're REALLY struggling. Sometimes that's ALL you have to do...just drink more water than you did the day before...don't try to summon up the motivation to eat healthy or the discipline to not eat unhealthy...just drink water! So it's at the top of the list = )
I've also been using my light therapy table and it does seem to help but it's been more subtle. I do make a point to be outside exercising as much as I can when we do get a sunny day.
Speaking of exercise...on our last warm-ish sunny day I went out for a run by myself. When I go with Petey, we do a run/walk thing or take the dog or whatever. This time was going to just be a straight run, with breaks for water if I needed it.
I took my iPhone so I didn't wear the watch to keep track of my pace all the time...just got spoken mile splits. TOTALLY shocked to see the final results...4.2 miles at an average 8:56 pace! Never expected to do that after just doing treadmill running and outside run/walking for over 10 days. It felt good to be outside, in the sunshine, so I ran what I felt like instead of aiming for anything.
I still haven't gotten my bead for my Pandora bracelet...need to find that catalog and decide what to get! It's fun thinking about it though, so I don't mind waiting...builds the anticipation = )
That's all for this week...a much more encouraging blog update from a much more encouraged person!
Friday, January 4, 2013
I feel like I'm approaching a cliff...
Week 30 of Maintenance...I earned a bead for my bracelet!!
Week 5 of the Winter Challenge...hmmmm...don't really feel like I "deserve" to say I completed it but I'm hanging on...
118.4 at meeting
113.8 at home - clean weight
So, I survived Christmas but not New Year's. Or maybe the Christmas treat-eating caught up with me since I haven't been able to do my normal amount and quality of activity. Winter is officially here with gray skies, cold north winds, and damp temperatures that seem to sink right into my bones.
I was doing ok on the treadmill for a few days...maybe a week...but I'm REALLY missing the sunshine and being outside! I ordered a "light therapy" light from Costco and am hanging on til it gets here. The first sunny day we have, I'm going to spend as much of it outside as possible...find a spot out of the wind and just SOAK it up!
I guess what scares me the most is that I KNOW how the winter weight gain starts and I KNOW how it progresses and I KNOW how hard it is to fight against it and I KNOW how hard it is to resist treat foods and I KNOW how hard it is to get my daily activity (which I NEED!!) when all I want to do is stay in bed, or if I make it out of bed, to sit on the couch in front of the warm woodstove and watch old movies all day...while giving in to too much treat food or even just regular food, above and beyond the calories that I'm burning, which are minimal!!!
This past week, THIS is how it starts. And now I've got to summon strength, determination, willpower, knowledge, common sense and every tool in my tool chest to not have this winter be a repeat of last winter and the one before that and the one before that x 4.
The good part...holiday treats are almost gone. The bad part...everything else.
Hopefully this light therapy light will help. Petey will be home for all of January and probably February as he waits to be called for upgrade school. As nice as that is, he's a snacker and the suggestion of food and eating is more visible...more I have to resist.
I'm making a list of healthy foods that I really LOVE to eat...ones where I can have a large serving for minimum points...ones that SEEM to be fun, snacky foods to me...that will satisfy the desire for snacky when I really want snacky!
I know that every Weight Watchers meeting will have a subject that is spot-on for helping me through these next 2 months. I know that I WILL weigh myself every night, no matter what! I WILL keep tracking and measuring and doing my best to make healthy choices.
It always surprises me to discover just how much I depend on an above-average amount of activity to burn off what I normally eat. And how quickly I drop to a below-average amount of activity once cold weather hits. Or gray weather...or cold gray weather!
Going in to winter I think "this isn't going to be too bad! I'll just do this and this and this and this and it'll be fine!". That worked for December...now I have to figure out a way to make it through January and February. The thought of strictly denying myself for the next 8 weeks sounds daunting, if not impossible. I need to figure out something else!
Oh well...here's my chance to really put my Weight Watchers know-how to the test. I had a few failures today but also a few successes...and tomorrow is another day!
Week 5 of the Winter Challenge...hmmmm...don't really feel like I "deserve" to say I completed it but I'm hanging on...
118.4 at meeting
113.8 at home - clean weight
So, I survived Christmas but not New Year's. Or maybe the Christmas treat-eating caught up with me since I haven't been able to do my normal amount and quality of activity. Winter is officially here with gray skies, cold north winds, and damp temperatures that seem to sink right into my bones.
I was doing ok on the treadmill for a few days...maybe a week...but I'm REALLY missing the sunshine and being outside! I ordered a "light therapy" light from Costco and am hanging on til it gets here. The first sunny day we have, I'm going to spend as much of it outside as possible...find a spot out of the wind and just SOAK it up!
I guess what scares me the most is that I KNOW how the winter weight gain starts and I KNOW how it progresses and I KNOW how hard it is to fight against it and I KNOW how hard it is to resist treat foods and I KNOW how hard it is to get my daily activity (which I NEED!!) when all I want to do is stay in bed, or if I make it out of bed, to sit on the couch in front of the warm woodstove and watch old movies all day...while giving in to too much treat food or even just regular food, above and beyond the calories that I'm burning, which are minimal!!!
This past week, THIS is how it starts. And now I've got to summon strength, determination, willpower, knowledge, common sense and every tool in my tool chest to not have this winter be a repeat of last winter and the one before that and the one before that x 4.
The good part...holiday treats are almost gone. The bad part...everything else.
Hopefully this light therapy light will help. Petey will be home for all of January and probably February as he waits to be called for upgrade school. As nice as that is, he's a snacker and the suggestion of food and eating is more visible...more I have to resist.
I'm making a list of healthy foods that I really LOVE to eat...ones where I can have a large serving for minimum points...ones that SEEM to be fun, snacky foods to me...that will satisfy the desire for snacky when I really want snacky!
I know that every Weight Watchers meeting will have a subject that is spot-on for helping me through these next 2 months. I know that I WILL weigh myself every night, no matter what! I WILL keep tracking and measuring and doing my best to make healthy choices.
It always surprises me to discover just how much I depend on an above-average amount of activity to burn off what I normally eat. And how quickly I drop to a below-average amount of activity once cold weather hits. Or gray weather...or cold gray weather!
Going in to winter I think "this isn't going to be too bad! I'll just do this and this and this and this and it'll be fine!". That worked for December...now I have to figure out a way to make it through January and February. The thought of strictly denying myself for the next 8 weeks sounds daunting, if not impossible. I need to figure out something else!
Oh well...here's my chance to really put my Weight Watchers know-how to the test. I had a few failures today but also a few successes...and tomorrow is another day!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Humbled and Ashamed = (
It's hard for me to even type this but it must be done.
I've just been convicted of my very self-centered, selfish, egotistical, proud answer that I spent so much time typing out.
Not once did I mention any of this:
- this is God's body, not mine
- true success in weight management, life management, whatever management only comes through living in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to Him
- He comes first, I come last...I KNOW this...I want to LIVE this way...my sinful nature continues to demand first place and I continue to give in far too often
- I must ask Him to show me how He wants me to take care of this body that is His temple here on earth...and I must obey
I confess and repent...pray for me.
I've just been convicted of my very self-centered, selfish, egotistical, proud answer that I spent so much time typing out.
Not once did I mention any of this:
- this is God's body, not mine
- true success in weight management, life management, whatever management only comes through living in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to Him
- He comes first, I come last...I KNOW this...I want to LIVE this way...my sinful nature continues to demand first place and I continue to give in far too often
- I must ask Him to show me how He wants me to take care of this body that is His temple here on earth...and I must obey
I confess and repent...pray for me.
My Success Story...Kinda...
Week 29 of Maintenance...Week 4 of the Winter Challenge...one-third of the way through!!
116.6 at meeting
111.2 at home
Wow...I survived Christmas Week and didn't gain! Also had worse weather and couldn't run and walk outside as much as normal but still did just fine...what a relief!
I've still been enjoying the treadmill running but I've started missing being outside my normal amount. I'm sure Piper, my black lab, is also missing his normal allotment of daily outside miles in our beautiful park.
Now, on to my "Success Story". This is another writing exercise in the Success Journal from the new member's kit from Weight Watchers. But, here's the deal: every time I thought of a "marker of success" it always had a clarifier with it...so it doesn't feel like I have a CLEAR success story...more of a wait-and-see-general-idea of a success story.
Anyhow, this is what I came up with...I actually asked myself "how would I define success for me?" so it's a series of questions and answers...and more questions...you'll see what I mean! hahaha
- would I say I've reached success at a certain weight?
Well...there are definitely numbers on the scale where I know I FEEL better physically. I know that anything over 120 (these will all be the clean weights - nekkid, empty stomach, etc) is heavy or jiggly or full in the waist. See, I can't even really describe it!! I just know that that is definitely a "line in the sand".
I know that the less I weigh, the better, down to about 108. I feel better, I feel like I look better, I run better, I move better...everything is better. EXCEPT...if I really struggle to MAINTAIN 108, then it's not better!!! And if I can't maintain long-term, then I definitely would not call it a success.
((And honestly, I felt AWESOME at 98-100 and ran the best of my life but I understand that at my age now (that was 8 years ago), that probably is not healthy anymore (affects bone density) and definitely would not be easily maintainable... it took some pretty strict eating and fast, long miles!))
So...where I'm at right now...110-113...so far I've maintained this...not for the 29 weeks listed above...that started with reaching my official goal weight at Weight Watchers...which is 120 clean weight...which is the number I decided that would be minimally acceptable and easily maintained long term...even though I knew I wouldn't REALLY be happy there since it's the maximum "ok" weight for me. See how hard this is?!!!
I've maintained the 110-113 for about 8 weeks now. I lost the extra pounds with the help of the strictly limited diet for Betsy but I've been able to maintain the weight eating the 32 points a day suggested by WW for maintenance mode. And I've enjoyed holiday goodies too!
It DOES feel like this weight might be do-able...I'm not totally happy with the way my body looks...my belly really = ( But I know that has to do with body fat percentage and not weight in general. I know I could maintain this same weight but "streamline" my body by increasing muscle mass and decreasing body fat.
My body fat percentage is actually slowly reducing...I had a 17.7% reading the other night and most nights it's not much above 20%. The fat on my stomach is always the first to come and the last to go!
So, I do kinda feel like this could be a point of success...but only if I DO maintain it long term... and I won't know that until I actually do! So I don't feel like I can use that criteria to determine whether I'm successful because it's always "a work in progress" until I breathe my last.
- would I say I've reached success at a certain size?
I had a goal of being able to wear all the size 6 shorts I'd bought for last summer. I reached that and then they got loose...some of them too loose and I quit wearing them. But I found all my size 6 LL Bean shorts, capris and pants (which are smaller than my size 4 Eddie Bauer shorts) which I really never thought I'd be able to wear again...I'd given up!
And I actually thought I'd donated them all to Goodwill but I'm SOOOOO glad I didn't because I LOVE them and now they do fit!! As long as I'm nearer 110-111 and not 113 and above. YES, 2 or 3 pounds does make that much of a difference to me because it's ALL at my waist and I can't stand for my waist band to be too tight!
So I have that as a motivation to stay 110-111 or even lose another pound or two...AS LONG AS I CAN MAINTAIN IT!!
See...if you'd asked me back in April when I joined Weight Watchers, I would've told you that success to me means finding a weight that is healthy and that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I just wanted to stop the gain-lose-gain-lose cycle that has been going on for 6 years and getting worse with each year.
And even now I have that uncertainty about maintaining this weight all the way through the Winter Challenge...that's why this is such a big deal! December to February ALWAYS trips me up! And that's why I think I could accept 120, even though it's not my optimum weight, if that turns out to be the weight that I can maintain throughout the year, even over the winter months. But I wouldn't be TOTALLY happy...
If I could get my stomach to a certain size and then keep it there, yes, I would define that as success...no matter what the scale said.............as long as I stayed there long term!! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!
- would I say I've reached success if I stayed the same weight year-round, for say, 5 years in a row?
Well, yeah...but no, not really. If I stayed 130 year round...NO WAY!! That would definitely NOT be success in my book. That would be failure as I would look and feel FAT all year round! So it's not just maintaining the same weight...it has to be a weight below a certain level.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm medically healthy and maintaining that?
Um...yeah, not so much! hahahahaha So it DOES have something to do with size and weight and the way I feel when I'm running and the way I look in the mirror and if I'm wearing the clothes I want to wear.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm eating a certain way?
Well, sorta...if I'm eating such a restricted diet that I can't have ANY or very minimal treat foods, then no, that wouldn't be happy or nice and I wouldn't call that success. That would be a failure of a different sort.
But I understand that allowing myself too much free rein leads quickly to weight gain and would not lead to success either.
Actually, it just now came to me...this is what I would call success....BALANCE. BALANCE.
I'm thin but not too thin...thin enough...and not too thick.
I'm exercising in a fun way but not an "addicted compulsive" way. Exercising FOR fun and not a HAVE-TO way.
I'm eating healthy foods 80% of the time and enjoying treats 20% of the time...fully enjoying both!
And I'm maintaining a realistic, nice-looking, healthy weight range ALL YEAR ROUND, until I die!
Well, I think that's it...kudos if you made it all the way to the end = )
116.6 at meeting
111.2 at home
Wow...I survived Christmas Week and didn't gain! Also had worse weather and couldn't run and walk outside as much as normal but still did just fine...what a relief!
I've still been enjoying the treadmill running but I've started missing being outside my normal amount. I'm sure Piper, my black lab, is also missing his normal allotment of daily outside miles in our beautiful park.
Now, on to my "Success Story". This is another writing exercise in the Success Journal from the new member's kit from Weight Watchers. But, here's the deal: every time I thought of a "marker of success" it always had a clarifier with it...so it doesn't feel like I have a CLEAR success story...more of a wait-and-see-general-idea of a success story.
Anyhow, this is what I came up with...I actually asked myself "how would I define success for me?" so it's a series of questions and answers...and more questions...you'll see what I mean! hahaha
- would I say I've reached success at a certain weight?
Well...there are definitely numbers on the scale where I know I FEEL better physically. I know that anything over 120 (these will all be the clean weights - nekkid, empty stomach, etc) is heavy or jiggly or full in the waist. See, I can't even really describe it!! I just know that that is definitely a "line in the sand".
I know that the less I weigh, the better, down to about 108. I feel better, I feel like I look better, I run better, I move better...everything is better. EXCEPT...if I really struggle to MAINTAIN 108, then it's not better!!! And if I can't maintain long-term, then I definitely would not call it a success.
((And honestly, I felt AWESOME at 98-100 and ran the best of my life but I understand that at my age now (that was 8 years ago), that probably is not healthy anymore (affects bone density) and definitely would not be easily maintainable... it took some pretty strict eating and fast, long miles!))
So...where I'm at right now...110-113...so far I've maintained this...not for the 29 weeks listed above...that started with reaching my official goal weight at Weight Watchers...which is 120 clean weight...which is the number I decided that would be minimally acceptable and easily maintained long term...even though I knew I wouldn't REALLY be happy there since it's the maximum "ok" weight for me. See how hard this is?!!!
I've maintained the 110-113 for about 8 weeks now. I lost the extra pounds with the help of the strictly limited diet for Betsy but I've been able to maintain the weight eating the 32 points a day suggested by WW for maintenance mode. And I've enjoyed holiday goodies too!
It DOES feel like this weight might be do-able...I'm not totally happy with the way my body looks...my belly really = ( But I know that has to do with body fat percentage and not weight in general. I know I could maintain this same weight but "streamline" my body by increasing muscle mass and decreasing body fat.
My body fat percentage is actually slowly reducing...I had a 17.7% reading the other night and most nights it's not much above 20%. The fat on my stomach is always the first to come and the last to go!
So, I do kinda feel like this could be a point of success...but only if I DO maintain it long term... and I won't know that until I actually do! So I don't feel like I can use that criteria to determine whether I'm successful because it's always "a work in progress" until I breathe my last.
- would I say I've reached success at a certain size?
I had a goal of being able to wear all the size 6 shorts I'd bought for last summer. I reached that and then they got loose...some of them too loose and I quit wearing them. But I found all my size 6 LL Bean shorts, capris and pants (which are smaller than my size 4 Eddie Bauer shorts) which I really never thought I'd be able to wear again...I'd given up!
And I actually thought I'd donated them all to Goodwill but I'm SOOOOO glad I didn't because I LOVE them and now they do fit!! As long as I'm nearer 110-111 and not 113 and above. YES, 2 or 3 pounds does make that much of a difference to me because it's ALL at my waist and I can't stand for my waist band to be too tight!
So I have that as a motivation to stay 110-111 or even lose another pound or two...AS LONG AS I CAN MAINTAIN IT!!
See...if you'd asked me back in April when I joined Weight Watchers, I would've told you that success to me means finding a weight that is healthy and that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I just wanted to stop the gain-lose-gain-lose cycle that has been going on for 6 years and getting worse with each year.
And even now I have that uncertainty about maintaining this weight all the way through the Winter Challenge...that's why this is such a big deal! December to February ALWAYS trips me up! And that's why I think I could accept 120, even though it's not my optimum weight, if that turns out to be the weight that I can maintain throughout the year, even over the winter months. But I wouldn't be TOTALLY happy...
If I could get my stomach to a certain size and then keep it there, yes, I would define that as success...no matter what the scale said.............as long as I stayed there long term!! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!
- would I say I've reached success if I stayed the same weight year-round, for say, 5 years in a row?
Well, yeah...but no, not really. If I stayed 130 year round...NO WAY!! That would definitely NOT be success in my book. That would be failure as I would look and feel FAT all year round! So it's not just maintaining the same weight...it has to be a weight below a certain level.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm medically healthy and maintaining that?
Um...yeah, not so much! hahahahaha So it DOES have something to do with size and weight and the way I feel when I'm running and the way I look in the mirror and if I'm wearing the clothes I want to wear.
- would I say I've reached success if I'm eating a certain way?
Well, sorta...if I'm eating such a restricted diet that I can't have ANY or very minimal treat foods, then no, that wouldn't be happy or nice and I wouldn't call that success. That would be a failure of a different sort.
But I understand that allowing myself too much free rein leads quickly to weight gain and would not lead to success either.
Actually, it just now came to me...this is what I would call success....BALANCE. BALANCE.
I'm thin but not too thin...thin enough...and not too thick.
I'm exercising in a fun way but not an "addicted compulsive" way. Exercising FOR fun and not a HAVE-TO way.
I'm eating healthy foods 80% of the time and enjoying treats 20% of the time...fully enjoying both!
And I'm maintaining a realistic, nice-looking, healthy weight range ALL YEAR ROUND, until I die!
Well, I think that's it...kudos if you made it all the way to the end = )
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Gotta Love the Status Quo Weeks!
Week 28 of Maintenance...7 months already??!!
116.6 at the meeting
111.2 clean weight at home
And week #3 of the winter challenge is in the books...so far, so good!
I'm racking up the miles BIG TIME since I slowed the pace down and added in more walking. I still aim to do at least one speed workout a week and one longer run. This week's speed and long runs were really good!
I did 3.1 miles at an average 8:47 pace...splits of 9:05, 8:34 (5k pace mile), and 8:47 last mile...all faster than I expected to run. Then I ran 6.25 miles yesterday, very easy 10:25 pace but still faster than I expected for running that easy...thought I would be well into the 11's and possibly 12's for the effort level I was at.
I think this month might set a new mileage record EVER! Won't know til it's finished and I add it all up = )
I have been having Christmas treats here and there but trying to "eat consciously" and be careful about the other foods I'm eating. So far, it's working.
Of course with weighing and checking my body fat percentage every night, I will know right away if it stops working. Then the challenge will be to make changes when I really want to keep eating the treats, even just "here and there".
Another happy-happy discovery was deciding to run on the treadmill like I run outside. I usually run a mile over to the park, get a drink of water, then run another mile or so, get another drink, run another mile or so, etc etc til I finish the miles I'd planned to run.
So on Thursday, I ran 10 minutes on the treadmill, then got off and got a drink and fed the dogs breakfast, then ran another 10 minutes, got a drink, checked the outside temperature so I'd know what clothes to put on after my shower, then ran another 10 minutes. I wanted to run another 10 minutes after that but I didn't have time.
I asked our WW leader, Kim, whether the ActiveLink gives a benefit for doing your exercise all in one shot or if you get the same credit when you break it up. She said you still get credit and it can also work more to your advantage because it spreads your activity out over several hours (possibly) rather than just one hour in the morning and then nothing for the rest of the day.
Except for me I almost always manage to walk the dogs at least a little every day before sunset so it wouldn't just be in the morning...but whatever = )
Anyhow, that gives me great optimism for the Winter Challenge, knowing I can run in my street clothes, doing 10 minutes here and there (the amount that's easy to do without having to have a distraction other than the math/fractions/percentages I do in my head) all through the day if I want, if the weather is nasty outside.
I should get a 2nd treadmill to put next to our existing one so I can be running and walking with Piper if we can't go outside to run/walk! hahahahaha
And I was reminded this week of another MAJOR-thankful-to-God aspect of my weight struggle. I am susceptible to depression...which has been quite severe in the past. Many years ago a friend told me about St. Johns Wort...an herb which works just as well as prescription anti-depressants for some people...which I tried and discovered that I am one of those people!
I try to remember to take it every day but forget sometimes...and sometimes I forget multiple days in a row. Sometimes Petey sees the signs of depression creeping in before I'm aware of them and will remind me to take it..."have you taken your St Johns today?" Thanks, Babe!
So over the weekend, I found myself wanting to eat and eat and eat...there are no Christmas treats in the house but I was just not satisfied with anything I was eating...never feeling "ah...I'm satisfied and full and ready to quit eating until the next meal or snack time".
Then the self-destructive thoughts started...and I still didn't catch on. Until some of the thoughts were shockingly violent and then I thought "what is going on with me!!!!" And then it dawned on me...whoa...I need St Johns!!
So I'm happy to report that I've remembered to take it every day since, feel much better, don't want to eat everything in sight and am thanking God that an herb you can buy off the shelf is so powerful in helping me! I actually thanked Him for the man that discovered it and did the research to help so many people = ))
And thankful to be reminded that at least some part of my over-eating/weight-struggle is tied to my emotions and they can be improved simply by remembering to take St Johns... which is prominently placed in several locations around the house!
On to other things...the next assignment in the Success Journal is to write my success story. I've been thinking about it all week and am just about ready to put pen to paper and then I'll share with you.
And now I'm gonna go do some more crafts...or maybe work on my jigsaw puzzle...
116.6 at the meeting
111.2 clean weight at home
And week #3 of the winter challenge is in the books...so far, so good!
I'm racking up the miles BIG TIME since I slowed the pace down and added in more walking. I still aim to do at least one speed workout a week and one longer run. This week's speed and long runs were really good!
I did 3.1 miles at an average 8:47 pace...splits of 9:05, 8:34 (5k pace mile), and 8:47 last mile...all faster than I expected to run. Then I ran 6.25 miles yesterday, very easy 10:25 pace but still faster than I expected for running that easy...thought I would be well into the 11's and possibly 12's for the effort level I was at.
I think this month might set a new mileage record EVER! Won't know til it's finished and I add it all up = )
I have been having Christmas treats here and there but trying to "eat consciously" and be careful about the other foods I'm eating. So far, it's working.
Of course with weighing and checking my body fat percentage every night, I will know right away if it stops working. Then the challenge will be to make changes when I really want to keep eating the treats, even just "here and there".
Another happy-happy discovery was deciding to run on the treadmill like I run outside. I usually run a mile over to the park, get a drink of water, then run another mile or so, get another drink, run another mile or so, etc etc til I finish the miles I'd planned to run.
So on Thursday, I ran 10 minutes on the treadmill, then got off and got a drink and fed the dogs breakfast, then ran another 10 minutes, got a drink, checked the outside temperature so I'd know what clothes to put on after my shower, then ran another 10 minutes. I wanted to run another 10 minutes after that but I didn't have time.
I asked our WW leader, Kim, whether the ActiveLink gives a benefit for doing your exercise all in one shot or if you get the same credit when you break it up. She said you still get credit and it can also work more to your advantage because it spreads your activity out over several hours (possibly) rather than just one hour in the morning and then nothing for the rest of the day.
Except for me I almost always manage to walk the dogs at least a little every day before sunset so it wouldn't just be in the morning...but whatever = )
Anyhow, that gives me great optimism for the Winter Challenge, knowing I can run in my street clothes, doing 10 minutes here and there (the amount that's easy to do without having to have a distraction other than the math/fractions/percentages I do in my head) all through the day if I want, if the weather is nasty outside.
I should get a 2nd treadmill to put next to our existing one so I can be running and walking with Piper if we can't go outside to run/walk! hahahahaha
And I was reminded this week of another MAJOR-thankful-to-God aspect of my weight struggle. I am susceptible to depression...which has been quite severe in the past. Many years ago a friend told me about St. Johns Wort...an herb which works just as well as prescription anti-depressants for some people...which I tried and discovered that I am one of those people!
I try to remember to take it every day but forget sometimes...and sometimes I forget multiple days in a row. Sometimes Petey sees the signs of depression creeping in before I'm aware of them and will remind me to take it..."have you taken your St Johns today?" Thanks, Babe!
So over the weekend, I found myself wanting to eat and eat and eat...there are no Christmas treats in the house but I was just not satisfied with anything I was eating...never feeling "ah...I'm satisfied and full and ready to quit eating until the next meal or snack time".
Then the self-destructive thoughts started...and I still didn't catch on. Until some of the thoughts were shockingly violent and then I thought "what is going on with me!!!!" And then it dawned on me...whoa...I need St Johns!!
So I'm happy to report that I've remembered to take it every day since, feel much better, don't want to eat everything in sight and am thanking God that an herb you can buy off the shelf is so powerful in helping me! I actually thanked Him for the man that discovered it and did the research to help so many people = ))
And thankful to be reminded that at least some part of my over-eating/weight-struggle is tied to my emotions and they can be improved simply by remembering to take St Johns... which is prominently placed in several locations around the house!
On to other things...the next assignment in the Success Journal is to write my success story. I've been thinking about it all week and am just about ready to put pen to paper and then I'll share with you.
And now I'm gonna go do some more crafts...or maybe work on my jigsaw puzzle...
Monday, December 17, 2012
Better late than never! hahaha
Week 27 of Maintenance...2nd week of the Winter Challenge completed!
117.0 at the meeting
112.0 clean weight at home
Another interesting week in the books. Or in the database...whatever!
Betsy is doing fine...I'm avoiding most trigger foods, testing out a few, having a few very minor reactions, learning what I can and can't handle.
The other problem has been non-existent (YA-HOOOO!!) so I'm not sure what's up with that but I'm very thankful!
I did have an excruciatingly painful episode of another kind on Friday the 7th. This has happened twice before in the past and, again, so very thankful that it's short-lived when it does happen.
While running that Friday morning, and in the middle of a speed interval, I ran through some leaves, stepped on a rock or pine cone or twig under the leaves, turned my foot inward and felt OUCH!
I stopped, wiggled it around, took some easy steps, then ran the mile to home. I could feel it and figured it would be tender and somewhat bruised for a few days. Met up with friends for the afternoon and we went shopping. I could still feel the soreness when I would step a certain way but otherwise didn't think about it.
When we got back from shopping, my friend Lauren and I went across the street to pick tangerines from the neighbor's tree (he gave us permission!) and I stepped just ever so slightly funny in a low spot in his yard.
We got in the car and Lauren started driving us to her house (she's a GREAT driver and doesn't mind so I have her drive when we're together!). I could feel my foot/heel/ankle throbbing and swelling in my shoe as we drove...I knew what was coming since it had happened twice before.
The best I can figure...I have some small bone in the area under the ankle bone (that sticks out on the side of the foot) that somehow gets slightly dislocated when I twist/turn my foot/ankle. And then it somehow manages to slip back into place on it's own...
...but until it does, I CANNOT PUT ANY WEIGHT ON THAT FOOT! After dropping Lauren off, I very gingerly walked around to the driver's side and shakily started driving home. The pain level was high and became intense by the time I got home.
It was all I could do to force myself to push on the brake and then after a few miles, I could not even do that. I started using my left foot to drive and managed to make it home safely. Poor Petey, he was on the phone with me the whole time (I was using hands-free!) and it was awful for him listening to me groaning and crying without being able to help.
So...home...yep...could not put even a tippy-toe down on the ground...so I hopped into the house on one foot and called The World's Greatest Neighbor to come over and feed the dogs and gather a few things for me to be on my own. Thankfully, again, Shari's husband has had both knees operated on recently and had a walker I could borrow...making it much easier for me to hop around the house!
I mostly laid in bed with ice on my ankle for the rest of the evening and into the night. When I would wake up during the night, I would move my foot just a little to see if it was any better. Along about 4am, I moved my foot and the pain was greatly reduced! I tested it out by resting my toes on the floor...ok! Then my foot...still ok! Then I stood on that foot...amazingly ok! Then I carefully walked to the bathroom...yep, that little bone must've moved back into place...amazing!
Now the purple bruise and swelling hung around for several days and the "sore" feeling lasted longer (I can still feel it today, very slightly) but I was back to running on Tuesday and ran 5 miles just a week later.
This is exactly how it happened the other two times also...twist my ankle in the morning...sore but ok...slightly twist it again a few hours later...BAM! can't put any weight on it! Then 12 or so hours later BAM BAM! I can walk on it again! If anyone has another idea of what's going on besides a dislocated bone, I'd love to hear it!
So anyhow, I'm going to try to get a walker of my own in case this happens again, which I'm pretty sure it will...but I'm going to be even more careful now about instances where I might turn my ankle!
Now, on to more interesting things...I promised to share with you the Success Handbook's worksheets. The first one is: List 10 strengths or qualities that can help you achieve your goals. I've only come up with 5...
#1 - I'm very well educated in healthy eating and an active lifestyle. After this many years reading and researching ways to maintain a healthy weight, I could write a book!
#2 - I LOVE being active! Running, walking, gardening, yard work, ping pong, badminton, Wii...especially anything outside and moving!
#3 - I know lots of ways to make healthy, good-tasting food...taking higher calorie foods and making them lower calorie but still yummy...at least I think so...hahahaha
#4 - I've managed to maintain good general health and slightly above average metabolism in spite of struggling with weight gain. Even at my heaviest I didn't have high blood pressure or diabetes or aching knees or sleep apnea...which I'm sure I would have developed if I hadn't been able to lose the weight!
#5 - I really enjoy keeping journals and lists and things...tracking weight, body fat, foods, etc. And I use these numbers for motivation and determination...motivation earlier to get back down to the weight where I SHOULD be and now determination to STAY there...even through this dreaded winter season = )
For example...after weighing myself last night and recording my weight, body fat, physique rating and visceral fat level, I checked what I weighed exactly one year ago. 10 pounds heavier, 13% higher body fat, a visceral fat level of 5 compared to 2 last night (1 is the lowest!)
That makes me determined to keep doing what I know I need to do...eating my healthy foods, limiting holiday goodies, running on the treadmill if I can't run outside, keep moving even on cold days when I'd really rather sit on the couch and read!
I guess maybe #6 might be the "strength in numbers" thing...some of the ladies from my Weight Watchers meeting have created a Facebook group and it's been FABULOUS so far!! Just knowing that I can share successes and failures, get encouragement, have accountability...it's a great support system = ))
The next assignment is to write my success story...that one will take ALOT of thought although I probably already know exactly what I think equals success for me.
Stay-tuned!
117.0 at the meeting
112.0 clean weight at home
Another interesting week in the books. Or in the database...whatever!
Betsy is doing fine...I'm avoiding most trigger foods, testing out a few, having a few very minor reactions, learning what I can and can't handle.
The other problem has been non-existent (YA-HOOOO!!) so I'm not sure what's up with that but I'm very thankful!
I did have an excruciatingly painful episode of another kind on Friday the 7th. This has happened twice before in the past and, again, so very thankful that it's short-lived when it does happen.
While running that Friday morning, and in the middle of a speed interval, I ran through some leaves, stepped on a rock or pine cone or twig under the leaves, turned my foot inward and felt OUCH!
I stopped, wiggled it around, took some easy steps, then ran the mile to home. I could feel it and figured it would be tender and somewhat bruised for a few days. Met up with friends for the afternoon and we went shopping. I could still feel the soreness when I would step a certain way but otherwise didn't think about it.
When we got back from shopping, my friend Lauren and I went across the street to pick tangerines from the neighbor's tree (he gave us permission!) and I stepped just ever so slightly funny in a low spot in his yard.
We got in the car and Lauren started driving us to her house (she's a GREAT driver and doesn't mind so I have her drive when we're together!). I could feel my foot/heel/ankle throbbing and swelling in my shoe as we drove...I knew what was coming since it had happened twice before.
The best I can figure...I have some small bone in the area under the ankle bone (that sticks out on the side of the foot) that somehow gets slightly dislocated when I twist/turn my foot/ankle. And then it somehow manages to slip back into place on it's own...
...but until it does, I CANNOT PUT ANY WEIGHT ON THAT FOOT! After dropping Lauren off, I very gingerly walked around to the driver's side and shakily started driving home. The pain level was high and became intense by the time I got home.
It was all I could do to force myself to push on the brake and then after a few miles, I could not even do that. I started using my left foot to drive and managed to make it home safely. Poor Petey, he was on the phone with me the whole time (I was using hands-free!) and it was awful for him listening to me groaning and crying without being able to help.
So...home...yep...could not put even a tippy-toe down on the ground...so I hopped into the house on one foot and called The World's Greatest Neighbor to come over and feed the dogs and gather a few things for me to be on my own. Thankfully, again, Shari's husband has had both knees operated on recently and had a walker I could borrow...making it much easier for me to hop around the house!
I mostly laid in bed with ice on my ankle for the rest of the evening and into the night. When I would wake up during the night, I would move my foot just a little to see if it was any better. Along about 4am, I moved my foot and the pain was greatly reduced! I tested it out by resting my toes on the floor...ok! Then my foot...still ok! Then I stood on that foot...amazingly ok! Then I carefully walked to the bathroom...yep, that little bone must've moved back into place...amazing!
Now the purple bruise and swelling hung around for several days and the "sore" feeling lasted longer (I can still feel it today, very slightly) but I was back to running on Tuesday and ran 5 miles just a week later.
This is exactly how it happened the other two times also...twist my ankle in the morning...sore but ok...slightly twist it again a few hours later...BAM! can't put any weight on it! Then 12 or so hours later BAM BAM! I can walk on it again! If anyone has another idea of what's going on besides a dislocated bone, I'd love to hear it!
So anyhow, I'm going to try to get a walker of my own in case this happens again, which I'm pretty sure it will...but I'm going to be even more careful now about instances where I might turn my ankle!
Now, on to more interesting things...I promised to share with you the Success Handbook's worksheets. The first one is: List 10 strengths or qualities that can help you achieve your goals. I've only come up with 5...
#1 - I'm very well educated in healthy eating and an active lifestyle. After this many years reading and researching ways to maintain a healthy weight, I could write a book!
#2 - I LOVE being active! Running, walking, gardening, yard work, ping pong, badminton, Wii...especially anything outside and moving!
#3 - I know lots of ways to make healthy, good-tasting food...taking higher calorie foods and making them lower calorie but still yummy...at least I think so...hahahaha
#4 - I've managed to maintain good general health and slightly above average metabolism in spite of struggling with weight gain. Even at my heaviest I didn't have high blood pressure or diabetes or aching knees or sleep apnea...which I'm sure I would have developed if I hadn't been able to lose the weight!
#5 - I really enjoy keeping journals and lists and things...tracking weight, body fat, foods, etc. And I use these numbers for motivation and determination...motivation earlier to get back down to the weight where I SHOULD be and now determination to STAY there...even through this dreaded winter season = )
For example...after weighing myself last night and recording my weight, body fat, physique rating and visceral fat level, I checked what I weighed exactly one year ago. 10 pounds heavier, 13% higher body fat, a visceral fat level of 5 compared to 2 last night (1 is the lowest!)
That makes me determined to keep doing what I know I need to do...eating my healthy foods, limiting holiday goodies, running on the treadmill if I can't run outside, keep moving even on cold days when I'd really rather sit on the couch and read!
I guess maybe #6 might be the "strength in numbers" thing...some of the ladies from my Weight Watchers meeting have created a Facebook group and it's been FABULOUS so far!! Just knowing that I can share successes and failures, get encouragement, have accountability...it's a great support system = ))
The next assignment is to write my success story...that one will take ALOT of thought although I probably already know exactly what I think equals success for me.
Stay-tuned!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
A Happier Post Than the Last One!
Week 26 of Maintenance
116.6 at the meeting...same as last week!
I didn't even weigh myself, clothed, before leaving for the meeting like I usually do. I wore denim overalls and a long-sleeved shirt...I knew I wouldn't be anywhere close to my max weight limit and I knew they weren't going to give me a hassle for weighing too little so I just went with it = )
111.2 clean weight this morning
1st week of the DREADED 12 week winter quarter successfully completed!
Betsy is doing quite well. I've had a number of minimal burning-flares (hmmmm...maybe that's why it's called a "flare"??? cause it BURNS!) episodes that I was able to easily trace to eating "off-list". But nothing bad at all...just enough to hear Betsy gently say, "hey, please don't feed me that". And yes, she was very polite about it = )
The other issue is improving with each day. I've been able to narrow down some triggers and some helps...which I'll spare you the details...yes, even my tendency for TMI has its limits!!! But I'm thanking God for answering my prayers for wisdom...it's HIS body and I want to take good care of it!
Thanks to those who took the time to offer encouragement and prayers. I was quite discouraged when I wrote the last post. I always have this horrible fear when I'm in pain..."what if this doesn't stop? what if I can't find out what's wrong?? what if this is the way it is for the rest of my life?!! what will I DO????!!!!"
Boy, I REALLY need to stop over-reacting!! On to other things...
Weight Watchers launched their new program this week...Weight Watchers 360*. They came out with new books and tools and stuff. One thing I'm especially excited about is a new book called Success Handbook...a book full of leading questions to help you discover not just the physical reasons you struggle with overweight but also the emotional, mental, life-pattern, bad habits, etc. that contribute to it.
It's more of a journal than a handbook...and I do love journaling! I'm going to take my time answering the questions...many of them deep and searching...and plan on sharing what I learn with you here = )
Good-night, ya'll!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Crazy, mixed-up body
Week 25 of maintenance
116.6 at meeting - sweater and leather belt to hold up my pants! pockets empty though...and the receptionist was very understanding about my weight-loss since I'm under a doctor's care...even though I'm below their minimum weight limit
WHEW! Nice to not have to worry about trying to artificially weigh "up"
110.8 clean weight at home
Here's my recommendation for weight-loss and maintenance...DON'T EAT JUNK...simple as that! Just eat real food, all the time. Ok, you can have Nilla Wafers...but no chips, crackers, candy, cookies, cake, pie, etc. And no low-fat, imitation junk food either!
Seriously, I'm to the point of trying to eat enough to stop the weight loss. I still have to be very careful about what I eat...I approach everything with caution except for the very most "safe" foods...which I'm good and tired of...so no danger of over-eating them!
It seems like every day I eat something that bothers Betsy to some degree. Nothing that has approached the really bad painful burning...well, except for the BBQ Pop Chips I had one evening...yes, I knew better...but thought it would only be minor discomfort! WRONG-O!
Anyhow, it's been one month since being diagnosed with IC and I feel I have a very good handle on what to do and what not to do. I bought special seat cushions that help alot, especially for church, since that's the one place I sit the most at any given time during the week!
Unfortunately, I've started having some other painful issues with other "places"...even more unmentionable than Betsy the Bladder! I don't know if they are related to the IC or are separate issues. I'm trying different treatments to see if I can get "things" to improve.
And I'm fighting the feeling of my body going quickly downhill and me turning into a sickly, bed-ridden lump of junk who spends her days in a pain-pill haze or pain-filled hours until I die a slow death, no use to anyone, myself included!
I had a painful episode on Saturday afternoon...I could not hold back the tears anymore... not from being sad but from the PAIN! I was getting a hot shower to see if that would help but it was just getting worse and worse and WORSE.
I wrapped up in a towel and laid on the bed. Thankfully, the worst of the pain eased off almost immediately. But I was scared to get up...scared the pain would come back...and not go away again!! I did manage to get dressed and go out to the couch where I laid in the recliner for a couple of hours.
And then when I did get up, the horrible pain didn't come back...another WHEW! and THANK YOU, GOD!!
I did feel hints of that pain on Sunday morning as I was leaving for church but I worked on relaxing the "nether-regions" and it never got beyond mild discomfort. I felt it again today while running and for several hours after running but again, it didn't go into that unbearable pain I had on Saturday. And went away altogether after awhile.
I'm thinking..."do I have cancer??? is this some kind of endometriosis coming back??? is it something to do with IC or not??? could I even describe it to a doctor well enough for him/her to have a chance at finding the cause??? would I go through a bunch of painful and expensive tests only to be told they couldn't find 'anything' and then I'd be right back where I started from??!!!"
This is why I try SO HARD to self-treat at home! If I can narrow down what makes something worse or better, I can help myself and possibly have better results than seeing a doctor.
So...this feels like a crazy blog post...from a crazy, mixed up person trying to figure out her crazy, mixed up body and how to feel good and be active and pursue the things that bring her joy!
116.6 at meeting - sweater and leather belt to hold up my pants! pockets empty though...and the receptionist was very understanding about my weight-loss since I'm under a doctor's care...even though I'm below their minimum weight limit
WHEW! Nice to not have to worry about trying to artificially weigh "up"
110.8 clean weight at home
Here's my recommendation for weight-loss and maintenance...DON'T EAT JUNK...simple as that! Just eat real food, all the time. Ok, you can have Nilla Wafers...but no chips, crackers, candy, cookies, cake, pie, etc. And no low-fat, imitation junk food either!
Seriously, I'm to the point of trying to eat enough to stop the weight loss. I still have to be very careful about what I eat...I approach everything with caution except for the very most "safe" foods...which I'm good and tired of...so no danger of over-eating them!
It seems like every day I eat something that bothers Betsy to some degree. Nothing that has approached the really bad painful burning...well, except for the BBQ Pop Chips I had one evening...yes, I knew better...but thought it would only be minor discomfort! WRONG-O!
Anyhow, it's been one month since being diagnosed with IC and I feel I have a very good handle on what to do and what not to do. I bought special seat cushions that help alot, especially for church, since that's the one place I sit the most at any given time during the week!
Unfortunately, I've started having some other painful issues with other "places"...even more unmentionable than Betsy the Bladder! I don't know if they are related to the IC or are separate issues. I'm trying different treatments to see if I can get "things" to improve.
And I'm fighting the feeling of my body going quickly downhill and me turning into a sickly, bed-ridden lump of junk who spends her days in a pain-pill haze or pain-filled hours until I die a slow death, no use to anyone, myself included!
I had a painful episode on Saturday afternoon...I could not hold back the tears anymore... not from being sad but from the PAIN! I was getting a hot shower to see if that would help but it was just getting worse and worse and WORSE.
I wrapped up in a towel and laid on the bed. Thankfully, the worst of the pain eased off almost immediately. But I was scared to get up...scared the pain would come back...and not go away again!! I did manage to get dressed and go out to the couch where I laid in the recliner for a couple of hours.
And then when I did get up, the horrible pain didn't come back...another WHEW! and THANK YOU, GOD!!
I did feel hints of that pain on Sunday morning as I was leaving for church but I worked on relaxing the "nether-regions" and it never got beyond mild discomfort. I felt it again today while running and for several hours after running but again, it didn't go into that unbearable pain I had on Saturday. And went away altogether after awhile.
I'm thinking..."do I have cancer??? is this some kind of endometriosis coming back??? is it something to do with IC or not??? could I even describe it to a doctor well enough for him/her to have a chance at finding the cause??? would I go through a bunch of painful and expensive tests only to be told they couldn't find 'anything' and then I'd be right back where I started from??!!!"
This is why I try SO HARD to self-treat at home! If I can narrow down what makes something worse or better, I can help myself and possibly have better results than seeing a doctor.
So...this feels like a crazy blog post...from a crazy, mixed up person trying to figure out her crazy, mixed up body and how to feel good and be active and pursue the things that bring her joy!
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