Right Thinking

Had a chance to test myself today on several areas of my thinking where I've been working. 


We took Petey's old college roommate up to a church in Cleveland, Texas where he was sharing his testimony. Amazing hearing all that God has done in Dave Porter's life. He spoke on "not my will, but Thine be done". Dave and his family have suffered numerous MAJOR tragedies...just hearing about some of them left my heart in my stomach...but they've been able to say "not my will, but Thine". Good lesson, good reminder, lots of conviction! 


The church had a time of fellowship before Sunday School...doughnuts, cinnamon rolls, sausage biscuits (I love!), and cookies were served. I had eaten a meal bar on the drive up to the church and knew I didn't need any more food so I stayed in my seat and didn't even go over to the tables.


It gave me an opportunity to think through the situation:


- am I going to stay away from treat tables for the rest of my life? no, but I'm fine with staying away TODAY


- how will I handle these kinds of situations for the rest of my life? well, I will think each one through, make my conscious choice to either eat or not eat...if I choose to eat, I will decide on what I want to have and how much...I will decide how I'm feeling as far as resistance goes...can I handle eating a certain amount and then stopping or will eating SOME lead to overeating MUCH?


- I REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY want to learn, thoroughly, a way of living that is do-able, in the real world, meeting every day situations, testing situations, a way to handle foods that commonly lead me to overeat


- meal replacement and protein bars are not as satisfying as real food...what are some solutions to "eating healthy on the go"? I didn't know they would be serving food here, it caught me off guard. I was hungry but they didn't have any fruit or any other thing that was healthy  = (


- should I have some sort of cooler packed with REAL food to take with me whenever I leave the house? is that practical?


- should I eat when I'm hungry and then cut back the next day or do extra activity?


- what are the steps involved for me to maintain a healthy weight for the rest of my life??? there are so many different situations that I can't even dream up to try to be prepared for ahead of time!


Anyhow, I just wanted to share with ya'll...and get them down "on paper" for me to remember and ponder. If anyone has words of wisdom or practical advice, I'm all ears  = ) 

Have you heard of intermittent fasting?

Howdy all...been a busy week! I'm doing just fine with my eating and still enjoying abundant energy. 


After forcing myself to eat more food when I wasn't hungry at the end of the day because I hadn't consumed my 26 points, I made the decision this week to not do that. I feel much better! Some days I have points leftover, some days I eat them all, a few days I've used some of my earned activity points.


Weight Watchers tells you to "be sure" and eat all your points for each day. They've determined the point system based on meeting minimum nutritional needs for each weight range. They feel that if you don't eat your full points allotment, you're not meeting minimum nutritional needs and your health may suffer. 


I'm thinking that perhaps because I've been making such wise choices and my food is nutritionally dense, it's filling me up more and leaving me satisfied. In any case, it was uncomfortable to eat extra when I wasn't hungry so I'm not going to do it anymore!


I went to my 3rd Weight Watchers meeting yesterday. I'm shocked and amazed at how much I enjoy the meetings! It's truly hilarious to me after so many years of disparaging them...hahaha


So more "hahahahaha"...I got a sticker for losing 5 lbs. so far...it's actually 6.4 lbs... and I was so proud to show Petey my sticker that he thinks it's super-funny and is getting lots of teasing-time out of it. I don't care...I AM proud of my sticker! Oh, I should post a pic  = )


Anyhow, what I really wanted to talk to ya'll about is a very interesting article that I linked to through an email I got from the Livestrong Foundation...Lance Armstrong's foundation.


Here's the link...http://www.livestrong.com/blog/the-end-of-dieting/

It's a discussion on something called "intermittent fasting". I've heard of other people using scheduled fasts to help with weight loss. Of course I've read about fasting many, many times in the Bible. But this article validated the way I most like to eat!!


I've often told people that I'm hungriest between 10am and 4pm and then not hungry at all before and after those hours...that is, as long as I consume God-created-awesome-nutritional foods. If I eat junk during those hours, then I just stay hungry, all the time!


And also, if I ran long or hard that morning and didn't consume enough calories during those hours, then I will get hungry later in the evening. But for the most part that's how I'd like to eat.


But...I've read SO much info on how important it is to keep your metabolism revved up by eating 5 or 6 small meals spaced throughout the day and never go more than 4 waking hours without eating something, that I've been following those guidelines. And obviously over-eating  = (


My two-fold problem has always been portion control and staying away from junk. I have a tendency to eat larger portions of healthy food than my body really needs and I am tempted by junk, which then tempts me more, and more and then my energy level drops because I'm feeding my body junk and I don't feel like moving, then I gain more weight and I don't have the energy to cook my healthy foods...the vicious cycle...which I KNOW exists and I'm determined to not fall prey to it again!!!


"Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." James 4:17  Yes, I acknowledge that I am sinning when I do not feed my body in a way that pleases God.


So, the house is stocked with healthy foods, I'm measuring my portions, I'm stopping when I feel full, I'm staying away from junk, I'm allowing myself small portions of treats that really mean something to me, such as ONE block of white chocolate after lunch or dinner. Petey brings this chocolate home from Germany...it's the perfect way to finish off a meal...seems to signal to my brain that I'm done and satisfied...just 2 points  = )


And now, I have scientific studies that back up my desire to eat for 6 hours and fast for the other 18! I've naturally done this for most of my adult life, forcing myself to eat alot of times when I wasn't really hungry because I thought I was hurting myself somehow if I didn't.


I certainly won't TRY to do it...if I'm hungry outside of those times, I'll eat healthy food. But if I'm not, I'm not going to force myself to eat.


What say you?

What's In a Number?

I've had numbers on the brain for several days now. I've been reviewing the food journals that I kept 8-9 years ago when I first did Weight Watchers "unofficially" = )

They are encouraging (I lost it once, I can do it again, maybe I'll run faster too!) and discouraging (I worked SO hard to never weigh this much again and now, here I am, weighing this much and having to work hard again when I never thought I would) and shedding light on what went wrong and what I need to get back to doing.

For instance, my last entry in the food journal was September 30, 2005. Why did I stop? I have ZERO memory of that time. I don't know whether I decided:

- I've done this long enough (nearly 2 years), I know the system, I don't have to write stuff down anymore

- from my notes I see that I was discouraged because I was weighing 100 pounds consistently and I had convinced myself that I would be double-digits for the rest of my life...I was REALLY bothered by this! so maybe I decided I wasn't going to weigh myself consistently and keep a food journal

- did life just get busy???

I really wish I could remember = (

I also found another food journal with tracking for a few days in 2007 and a few months in 2008. I know I have other notebooks around that were used in 2009, 2010, 2011. I know deep in my heart that journaling is necessary for me to maintain a certain weight...that's why I keep going back to it.

But for some reason, which I still haven't identified, I allow myself to stop journaling my food! Usually followed by my weight creeping up and then I stop weighing myself too.

But here are some things I've decided about that time:

- weighing double-digits is an unrealistic expectation and not the best guideline to shoot for

- I must must must MUST keep a food journal! I'm telling myself over and over that just like I plan on reading my Bible every day and I can't imagine going to bed without brushing my teeth every day, I WILL keep track of what I eat, someway, somehow, EVERY DAY.

- I will not stop weighing myself if the numbers creep up and I get discouraged. I must figure out some other way to deal with this instead of telling myself lame excuses and believing them all the while gaining more and more weight = (

- I need to somehow get it sunk deep into my brain that I do not need "treats" every day or every couple of days. Treats are treats because they're meant to be special. If I want to include something I consider a "treat" in my eating every day, I need to account for it with my WW points...so I can eat it and not feel guilty OR treated.

Something else that was amazing was seeing the paces I was running for training runs...lots of sub-8:00 stuff! I wasn't racing as much because we lived out in the country but man oh man...I had one training run of just over 10k distance that's faster than my racing 10k PR!

I'm pretty sure I won't be able to run that fast again but I'm also pretty sure that I can run a whole lot faster than I can right now! hahahaha

So, here's another area of numbers that I've been thinking about: how numbers motivate us to lose weight or get more fit.

- some want to weigh a certain number of pounds

- some want a certain BMI or body fat percentage

- some (Junebug!) are aiming to lift more weight or do more sit-ups or move higher in their CrossFit competition = )

- some want to wear certain size clothing...either based on the size they wore when they remember feeling the healthiest or some other size that is personal to them as a goal

- some are aiming for a certain waist size...medical doctors have told us that below a certain waist size for men and women, the health risks decrease dramatically

- some have been told to lose weight to get their cholesterol, A1C, blood sugar level, or blood pressure down to a certain number

- we can have our metabolism tested to see how many calories we burn at rest... we have nutritional information on most foods and drinks...we have watches and techy things to tell us how many calories we are burning

{My Nike FuelBand will be arriving soon! I believe it will be another tool to remind me to stay active and make it more fun}

- and now with Weight Watchers, I am counting points instead of calories, which I believe to be a better system...but that's information for a future blog post = )

But the biggest reason I've been thinking about numbers, specifically a goal weight, is because I have to decide on one before too long. To become a Lifetime Member in Weight Watchers, you maintain your goal weight, plus or minus 2 pounds, for 6 weeks. That is my goal...to "reach Lifetime".

And to maintain Lifetime, you do a once a month weigh-in where you are still required to be within 2 pounds, plus or minus, of your goal weight. So deciding on your goal weight is a BIG DEAL.

So here's my dilemma...if I make the weight too high, I will lose to that amount and then I WILL NOT be able to lose beyond that for 6 weeks, at least, and then will have to try to maintain that monthly.

If I make my goal weight too low, it might possibly be a struggle to maintain that weight long-term. And I know myself well enough to know that if it's too much of a struggle, I'm likely to fail = (

The problem I have is that my weight fluctuates (or I ALLOW my weight to fluctuate!) over the course of a year. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I have no trouble maintaining 115-119 during the summer but come winter, that gets harder and harder to do.

But if I set my goal weight based on my winter weight, I will have to stop losing pounds before I'm at a happy point for this summer and then eat extra food, or at least more calorie dense food, next summer when my weight naturally drops due to a higher activity level and a lower appetite level due to more sunshine.

The number that I'm feeling the most comfortable with is 120 pounds...allowing me a range of 118 - 122. We weigh with our clothes and shoes on so that would translate to a 115 - 119 body weight.

Hmmmm...that's just what I told ya'll is my easily maintained SUMMER weight. I didn't think about my "nekkid" weight.

So if I'm comfortable with 118 - 122 clothes-less weight for year-round, that would mean 122 - 126 fully dressed with shoes for weigh-in at the meetings...so a declared goal weight of 124. That actually sounds do-able long-term = )

Now maybe you're beginning to understand why I've been thinking about these numbers so much!

The other reason I've been thinking about numbers...and this is the last thing, I promise...is that some people are able to never weigh themselves. They have a certain pair of pants that they use as a gauge...when the waist starts getting tight, they cut back. If it gets too loose, they eat a bit extra for a day or two...A BIT EXTRA FOR A DAY OR TWO are the operative words!

I've tried the "I'm not going to weigh myself, just keep this pair of pants handy" and it does not work for me = ( For some reason, I need to see that NUMBER on the scale to prove to myself that I need to go lighter for the day or fit in extra activity.

So just like I plan on keeping a daily food journal, I also plan on weighing myself every day. I weigh at night because I'm checking my hydration level and it gives me the most accurate body fat percentage.

Also because weighing first thing in the morning is not accurate due to multiple trips to the bathroom before heading out to run...my fellow running-buds will understand!

And now I'm off to weigh myself and go to bed. But I already know my weight will be higher than normal because I just ate a big bowl of cottage cheese and beets and drank 16 oz. of water for a very late supper since I was bathing 5 kittens... who desperately need good homes...PLEEEEEEEEASE!!!!

Weight-training and 2nd Weight Watchers meeting

Deanna suggested yesterday that I add weight/strength training to my workout regime, knowing that I get plenty of cardio in my twice a day running & walking workouts = )

Junebug also reminded me that "Strong is the new skinny!". I have the utmost respect for these two ladies and while I'd already planned on adding some weight-training, their encouragement and good example will surely inspire me to do more.

More than likely I will be sharing some memory that I have from my previous experience of losing weight and maintaining (for awhile) following Weight Watchers until I fell off the wagon...got back on...fell even further off...got back on again...well, you get the picture. See yesterday's post if you don't...

So when Deanna suggested adding weight-training, I immediately remembered what a difference that made when I lost weight 8 years ago.

Actually, I had lost most of the weight already...I was holding steady at about 102 pounds, maybe losing just a few ounces a week, when I got The Campitelli Advanced Speed Exercise Method for Women...a VCR tape (that's how old it is!) at a thrift store.

It was AWESOME!! Hand weights and a bench, a tv and 10 minutes. 5 routines concentrating on the different areas of the body. Simple, easy, fast and definitely producing results!

I started doing 10 minutes most mornings, in addition to my runs. Wow, I worked up just as much of a sweat as I did running and my heart was pumping and my lungs were sucking in the oxygen just like I was running so I knew I was getting a similar workout.

You don't take breaks during the sets...bam, bam, bam, git 'er done!

I wasn't noticing any difference, either in the mirror or on the scale. (I wasn't doing it to change anything, I just knew that a bit of strength training was good for you). Then people started commenting "how much more weight have you lost?", "you're getting so skinny!"

I told them I had not lost any more weight, honestly! Then it dawned on me...I'd lost FAT and gained muscle so that's why the scale hadn't changed but people could see a difference. I took a good long look in the mirror and I, too, could see more muscle definition...I looked really good! (If I do say so myself...hahaha)

That's when I knew the 10 minute workout was working = ) So why did I stop doing it??? Good question...it's probably one of those disconnect things. And I'd MUCH rather be outside running. Maybe I figured I had good muscle, I didn't need any more...I have no real idea.

But yesterday after Deanna's and Junebug's comments, I remembered... "oh yeah, I used to do 10 minutes a day with that VCR tape..." So I'd like to get back into that...maybe not 5 days a week but I could start with 1 day and try to work up to at least 3 days.

I bought The 10-Minute Time Crunch Training DVD the day I OFFICIALLY signed up with Weight Watchers = ) It came with a resistance cord and has 5 workouts covering Upper Body, Lower Body, Total Body, Core and Interval Training along with a cardio warm-up and stretching cool-down.

I did the Upper Body workout one day when it was raining and I didn't run outside. Here's an honest, but humiliating, thought I'm going to share with you: I figured it would be very heavy women (alot heavier than me) doing easy moves and I would be much stronger and MUCH better in shape and it would be fun and easy for me. (Easy is the main factor for me in whether something is fun or not!) And it would make me feel good about myself because I would be better than the ladies on the tape...I know, God is still working on humility with me = ((

Well, I was soundly put in my place! They have 3 ladies doing the exercises...the main lady does the middle-difficulty moves, one lady does beginner, and one lady is advanced; you follow whichever lady is at your level.

Yeah...I struggle to do all the exercises the beginner lady does...and all 3 are much more skinny and fit than me...(insert Gomer Pyle voice) "surprise, surprise, surprise!"

But once again, the sweat POURED off of me so I knew my body was working hard. This morning I did 2 routines...the upper body again and core. It's no fun to get an in-your-face revelation of just how weak and/or out of shape you're in = (

The burning was so uncomfortable that I had to not complete some of the moves. And as I sit here, I can already feel that I will have some soreness tomorrow. Good, yes, but also just one more reminder of how fit I used to be and exactly what I did to myself to not be in that shape anymore.

But I can get there again! And I WILL keep plugging away at it! I'm so thankful for buds like Junebug and Deanna who give me a real-life picture of what I can aim for...thanks, girls!

And now on to the WW meeting...which I was also SOOOOO wrong about... I thought it would be cheesy and I didn't "need" that and I am so far beyond needing that kind of thing. Yeah, another lesson in humility... I'll keep plugging away at that too!

Funny enough, we talked about fitting in a workout when plans change at the last minute, for whatever reason. First off, I REALLY like this leader and the group of women that were there today!! The first meeting I went to was last Thursday evening because I already had a commitment during the day. I didn't really care for that leader and there were a couple men in the group and that felt "funny".

Anyhow, today was really cool just because of the leader and other attenders. Then the subject was interesting because of me not having enough time to run this morning so I did the 10-minute time crunch thing. Well, I actually did 2 of them plus the warm up and cool down so I was really at it for 30 minutes...plenty of time to run, now that I think about it. Maybe I decided to give my legs a rest since they've been aching. I think it might've been the shoes I was wearing to run...I think they're past their prime.

I got lots of great information...some of the ladies REALLY like their Wii Fit and that reminded me of that option too. We have one and have played around with it some...talk about FUN...it's WAY COOL BEANS!! I need to get it out and give it a try again...explore some more and see what all it offers.

I'm also happy to report that I lost 2.2 pounds this week so that makes 4.2 total. Just a little more and I'll be into the 120's again. Another strange idea that I'm not sure where it came from...anything out of the 120's seems "fat" to me. Not for other people, just for myself.

I know, I know...it's not about a number on the scale. Well, it SHOULDN'T be about a number...of the scale or tags in clothes...but I admit, it still is for me. And it still is about how I look in the mirror too. Not sure how to change my thought process or if I need to.

I know the goal should be to be healthy. But I also know that at certain weights, I'm definitely not healthy. So in some part, it IS about a number.

That's all for today...time to take my dogs for a sunset walk over to the park...my favorite time of day!

Up, Down, Up, Down

Be sure and read parts 1 and 2 on the previous posts...

The past 4 years have been following pretty much the same pattern...

- I have a summer weight, which is maintained easily because of the extra activity...I want to eat healthier foods...my veg garden is producing in abundance...I'm weighing regularly...I'm not keeping a food log because I don't need to...I'm maintaining my weight with little effort

- I start ramping up the miles in the fall to prepare for the Houston Marathon in January...this kicks up my metabolism and I start feeling hungry all the time and I'm actually running less because I have to take rest days in between the longer runs...and important to note, I stop weighing myself regularly because I don't like the number climbing on the scale but I feel like there's nothing I can do about it = (

- as the days grow colder, the skies grow grayer, the sun shines less, my weight creeps ever higher = ( But I am cautious to try to "diet" because I know I need my energy to get ready to run 26.2 miles all at once...I figure the long runs will at least keep me close to maintaining a weight

- the marathon is done! now the pounds start to climb in earnest as I recover from the race and try my hardest not to eat every single edible thing in sight...my hunger is easily described as RAVENOUS...but my running and walking miles are at their lowest as my body recovers

- ah...Spring! the days grow warmer, the skies grow bluer, the sun shines more! I put a pair of shorts on from last summer...uh, I TRY to put a pair of shorts on...and realize, "ugh...I've gained too much weight...gotta get back on it" By "it" I mean the program...Weight Watchers...tracking calories, keeping a food log, weighing myself regularly, feeding my belly hunger instead of my head hunger that I told you about yesterday

- so March through May is spent closely tracking my weight, keeping a food log, adding in extra activity, making healthy choices...basically going back to eating the Weight Watchers Way (I love alliteration!)...and feeling better and better as the days go by and the pounds come off

- until I reach my summer weight and the cycle is complete!

There's been one distinct difference in each cycle...my weight has climbed 5 pounds higher than the previous year's cycle.

So the first year I was at 120 when I hit the "get back on track!!" moment. I went down to 108 and maintained that through the summer.

The next year, I hit 125 before I had the "lose it!" moment. And then I got down to 112 and decided to maintain that.

Last year I hit 130 and decided 115 was a good maintaining weight. In reality I know that 108 is truly the best weight for my body and frame but I'm scared that that weight will be too hard to maintain long-term (i.e. for the rest of my life) so I give myself some leeway. I also know that maintaining at that weight will not allow me as many "treats" as I want to have and I don't want to deny myself = (

This past winter I told myself, "you can have an acceptable summer weight, winter weight and holiday weight" and that felt good as I was eating cookie after cookie at Christmas! Never thinking "you're gonna have to work pretty hard take all this extra weight off come springtime!".

An aside: as I've been typing this story out I've come to realize that I have some kind of disconnect between what I think about my weight and body and what is reality. I seem to think "don't worry, you can eat this extra food and cut back a little tomorrow and everything will be ok". Even when my clothes are getting tighter, my mind tells itself some kind of lame excuse which it then believes! But in telling them to you, I've realized just how lame they are and how ignorant I am to believe them!

And now we're up to date...this year continued the cycle...with the extra 5 pounds also = (

I weighed 2 weeks ago...135 pounds...this has GOT to stop! Here are some random thoughts and bits of information...

- another running friend did a blog on how running makes her fat...for the same reasons I've experienced. Running boosts your metabolism, a good thing. Your boosted metabolism sends hunger signals to your brain and belly, still a good thing. UNLESS you then feed that hunger with calorie-dense junk which only makes you hungrier because your body is really wanting you to feed the real hunger with real food! The junk feels satisfying as you're eating it but it's only setting you up for the fall...

- I had my metabolism tested by Catherine Kruppa...an amazing RD we have living here locally...it's slightly above average, so I know that's in order

- I have my Tanita Body Analyzer scale which tells me weight, body fat, hydration percentage, muscle mass, visceral fat level, bone density, calories needed to maintain that weight, and physique level...I'm weighing myself every night before bed since this lets me know if I'm well-hydrated

- my brother and coach (same guy) told me last fall that he felt I would do better running and racing the shorter distances...play to my strengths. And about the same time I realized that I didn't really LIKE training for and running a marathon...my heart's desire is to run and walk twice a day, 6 days a week and you can't do that when you're training for a marathon. But that would fit perfectly with 5k's and 10k's = ) And that is also the most beneficial way for me to maintain a certain weight! AND I don't dread the treadmill if I know I only have to do 20 minutes or so...so no excuse when the weather's nasty during the winter months...I can still train consistently!

- I'm a true believer in the Weight Watchers program. I know it works, I know it works for me. I like the program, I like how I feel, I like how it encourages me to and rewards me for making healthy choices rather than forcing me or punishing me.

- My deep desire is to MAINTAIN a healthy weight. I'm not sure what that number is. I need it to be a weight that's do-able but also a weight that I am healthy at. And I don't know if that number should change as I get older or it's ok to stay the same...might need to ask someone smarter than me about that.

- I desperately want to STOP the summer, winter, holiday weight gain-loss cycle!!! And I feel like I have all the tools I need to do this. Now is the time, today is the day.

Since I did Weight Watchers before (followed the program, no other involvement), technology has advanced...I now have a cell phone that is my mobile internet and has way cool beans apps. I also have my tablet which is an in-between computer. I kept hearing about WW's eTools and wanted to have access to them. But you have to be a member...

So last Monday I walked into the Weight Watchers store to try and buy the new updated points books and "do the program" like I did before...but you have to be a member to buy the supplies.

I wasn't planning on joining. I wasn't planning on going to meetings. Now I'm doing both!

Their "best deal" includes free registration, access to all the eTools, unlimited meetings, and some other stuff I can't remember. After talking with the lady I decided that what I'd REALLY like to do is become a lifetime member and reap all the benefits that come with that.

I went to my first meeting last Thursday. It was WAY more interesting and helpful than I'd ever imagined! I'm a really good self-starter. I don't like to be bothered too much by the "higher-ups". Give me my job to do and then leave me to do it. I'll come to you with any questions or problems...don't micro-manage me or I'm outta here!

So now I'm full of motivation and great ideas and I can't wait for the next meeting tomorrow!

The most exciting thing to report to you is that with just one week...ONE WEEK...of eating the way I should, my energy level has sky-rocketed!! I was stuck in the slump of "low energy - don't feel like doing anything but sit and watch tv - eating sub-par/questionable nutrition - ugh".

Now I don't have the desire to sit and watch show after show because I actually have the energy to do the work I'm supposed to do plus extra besides! It's amazing.

And I'm thanking God for the blessing of how He created our bodies to renew themselves...our cells are constantly dying and being replaced by new ones. The cells that I fed with junk are dying off and being replaced by cells that have been fed full-on nutrition and I'm reaping the benefits of wonderful well-being and way cool beans ENERGY!

So here's my plan for blogging...I'd like to share with you the things I learn or discover each day and the successes and failures I have along the way....thanks for reading!

The saga continues...

So...having a hysterectomy is great for endometriosis but wreaks havoc on an already compromised metabolism.

Endometrial implants grow through the use of estrogen. Even though I was totally spayed (I love telling people that! hahaha), there were still some microscopic implants left behind that could continue to grow and cause trouble and pain. The estrogen-producing ovaries are removed and you do not then take estrogen hormone replacements. That's counter-productive!

That means cold-turkey into menopause...no gentle slowing down over 5 to 7 years...WHAM-O, there ya go!

I knew what symptoms to expect because of getting Lupron shots 3 years earlier to try and control the endo. Lupron is a chemotherapy drug with the desired side-effect of temporarily shutting down a woman's reproductive system.

I had one shot a month for 6 months but they did not help the endo...but they DID prepare me for menopause! And the nurse rightly said, "if you had Lupron shots, then menopause will be a breeze for you"...meaning that the menopausal symptoms associated with Lupron shots are much more intense than menopause itself.

The one thing I wasn't prepared for was the change it would make in my already depressed metabolism. The weight gain was rapid and drastic...30 pounds over just several months = (

Once again, I was at a loss to figure out why I was fat?! Oh, I should've said FATTER, because by now, I truly was fat...only a few BMI points away from the dreaded OBESE.

One really good thing came out of this painful chapter in my life: I became a runner. A dream that I've had since I was 10 years old or so. Sometimes I think back and wonder...how much fatter would I have been if I'd not been running? How much more depressed would I have been had I not been running? How much more body-hating would I have been if I hadn't been able to see the new muscle definition in my legs?

In fact, the running is what finally pushed me to have the hysterectomy! I was tired of never knowing what kind of pain I might wake up to on race morning. I slogged through several races in pain because of unexpected "bad days".

WAY TO GO if you're still reading! I needed to give you those details so the rest of this would make sense = )

So, here I am...running 15 to 20 miles a week, training for races, racing once a month, building up my long runs with the eventual hope of doing a marathon.

And...injured about every 6 weeks because of all the extra weight my poor bird bones were having to carry around = ( I would have to take a week or two off to recover, then start back up again. Over and over and over...

So...again...I'm running, I'm eating healthy foods, truly! The extra weight just will not budge. I try doing things I know to do...I analyze all the diets and eating plans out there. I REFUSE to eat an unhealthy diet just to drop pounds!

If God makes a food, then that food is good, within the balance and moderation that He expects. If a diet tells you to never eat carrots (NEVER EAT CARROTS???!!!) or anything else that God made and has said is good, then I will not follow that diet...it is bad and unworthy of my time and energy.

I knew I needed to lose weight, I wanted to lose weight, I was doing all I knew how to lose weight...but I wasn't losing any...and I didn't know of anything else to do. I was beginning to think that I was destined to be fat because most of my family and relatives are overweight/obese and I figured it was my genetic heritage.

It was in this atmosphere that I had my light-bulb moment. A good friend was wanting to lose weight too and was investigating Weight Watchers. We were looking at the program online and talking about it.

I put my analyst's hat on and proceeded to do my usual run-through, looking for red flags...and I didn't find a single one. These were my thoughts..."this looks GREAT! I can do this one!! it all makes perfect sense!" I got shivers...seriously!

I knew Weight Watchers was a good program, in fact, it's the most successful and medically recommended program out there. But I knew I didn't want to go to meetings and couldn't go anyhow since we lived so far out in the country, so I didn't know if it was an option for me.

My friend was thinking about following Weight Watchers online. I hadn't even heard that you could do that. After investigating it further, I saw that all I really needed was the food points books. All other information was freely and readily available!

I came home from our friends' house that evening, got on eBay and ordered the food points books. I also ordered the food tracking notebook and the little slide thingy that would tell me how many points I earned for all my running = )

I started following the program on October 31, 2003 weighing 165 pounds. I LOVED the program!! It teaches you how to eat healthy, it makes you WANT to make healthy choices over unhealthy ones. You still have the freedom to make the unhealthy or less healthy choices but you're rewarded for choosing healthy. And the healthier the food, the bigger the reward!

The first thing the program showed me was that I was DRINKING my daily points allowance in skim milk...and then eating food on top of that...no wonder I was fat!!!

For years I'd bought into the "low/no fat, eat as much as you want, still lose weight" propaganda that was so prevalent in the late 80's and 90's. I'd bought in BIG TIME. One of the sayings in the Eat Well, Live Well program is "it's the fat that makes you fat". I believed that to mean "if you eat low fat, you won't get fat".

I wouldn't look at calories at all...just fat grams. If they were low, I figured it was a "safe" food and I could consume it until I was full or satisfied.

I was SHOCKED to discover that alot of times there were MORE calories in the low/no fat food than in the full fat food. And the added sugar in the low/no fat food actually made you crave more food because of the sugar highs and lows! And when you remove the fat, you remove part of the food's ability to satisfy you for longer.

Hence my belief that drinking skim milk was almost like drinking water and I could have as much of it as I wanted...and I wanted ALOT. So that was the very first major change to be made. Some people going on a diet give up cokes right off the bat, I gave up skim milk! hahahaha

I added more high-fiber foods, more veggies, more fruit and yes, I embraced my hunger. For some reason, even to this day, I have the mentality that if I'm not FULL, I'm hungry. And that's simply not true! It's ok to feel "light" or "there's no food in my stomach".

Now, to be honest, that's an uncomfortable feeling for me. I LIKE feeling very full...all the time. But I don't like feeling OVER-full...that's uncomfortable in the same way as under-full for me.

Right now, as I type this, I'm feeling "empty" even though I just had my afternoon snack of a slice of cheese, 3 kiwi fruit and 26 pretzel sticks with mustard. I KNOW there's food in my stomach but my brain keeps telling me "you're hungry...eat, EAT!!"

I have no idea why this is but one of the best things Weight Watchers has taught me is that it's OK for my common sense to overrule the hunger screams from my head. My head wants me to eat more food and more calories and more fat and more sweet and more salty...more more MORE... than my body truly needs.

When I follow my brain, I gain weight. When I follow common sense, in spite of my brain's signals, I will be a healthy weight. This is the daily struggle that I've tried to explain to people...those who have been or are overweight understand perfectly...to others, it's just CA-RAZY!

Ok, back to the story...where was I? Oh yeah, so WW (Weight Watchers) taught me what not to eat and what to eat and basically how to live to have a healthy, normal weight, lots of energy body...and did it in a gentle, easily acceptable and put into practice way.

I had set two goal weights: the first one was the 108 pounds that I had reached when I was 28 (I was 37 when I started following the WW plan) on the Eat Well, Live Well plan.

And then from the runner's perspective I was going for a "minimum body fat, maximum muscle" that would allow me to see what I was capable of in the running world, whatever that number might be.

So I hit 108 in May of 2004 but stayed at the same points level and continued to lose. My activity level had jumped dramatically though, because I just felt so fantastic I wanted to be active and moving ALL THE TIME!

I hit 98 pounds in August and discovered the "min fat, max muscle" weight range that would allow me to run and race at the competitive level... 98 - 100 pounds, 12% body fat, my Tanita body analyzer scale told me I had the body and metabolism of a 12 year old! I felt AWESOME, I was running GREAT, I had energy to spare and the constant "empty" feelings had lessened so I didn't have to drum up so much motivation to ignore them.

On the days when my weight was 97 pounds, I could feel a slight drop in energy and also see that same slight drop in my running pace, that's how I knew 98 pounds was the bottom of the healthy weight for me.

It also bears mentioning that a number of my friends did not feel that I was healthy...that I was too skinny. It might have been the concern that I was going to keep on losing and become anorexic or I might have looked too skinny to them. Fast runners DO look very skinny! That's what helps them run fast...and I wanted to see how fast I could be = )

I was decently fast...not amazing or anything close to "elite" but I was consistently placing in my age group at races and even won Overall Female Masters at a race! All my PR's are set during this period.

I'd also like to mention that Petey lost about 30 pounds simply from eating the way I was eating. He did track his food points for a couple weeks but then he just seemed to know how much he should eat and did it. Grrrrr... no struggle involved!

While 98-100 was a good weight for racing 5k and 10k, it was not the best for marathon training. I ran my first marathon in February 2005 with a finish of 4:44. If I'd not had IT trouble for the last 5 miles, I'm sure I would've cracked the 4:30 point = (

I still maintained 98-100 through 2005 until the winter when I was training for the Houston Marathon in January 2006. I was really struggling with nausea in the later miles of my long runs.

I was having ART treatments at the time and I mentioned it to the doctor. He said that I didn't have enough body fat so my body was breaking down muscle to use for fuel and the waste products from that process were making me feel sick to my stomach.

He said if I gained 5 pounds, I would see a difference. So I worked at that over the next several weeks. It was a scary time because I felt that if I started gaining, I wouldn't stop...like last time = (

My marathon PR is 4:07 from that 2006 Houston Marathon where I weighed 103...right before my 40th birthday! I maintained 103 - 105 for the next couple of years.

And then...wait for it...I got tired of writing down what I was eating and keeping track of everything...so I stopped...and so it began again...

To be continued...

I Have Officially Joined Weight Watchers!

But first, the backstory...which may be in installments, depending on how wordy I get...

The Beginning:

I was a small baby right off the bat. 5 pounds, 2 ounces...lost weight, spent some time in an incubator (this was back in the day when any baby under 5 pounds had to be in an incubator... no longer the case).

I was a small child...amazing to look back on my yearly check-ups...18 pounds at one year, 28 pounds at 4 years. I remember the day I first hit triple digits as a sophomore in high school...and then promptly went back into double-digits.

The highest weight I can remember in my early adulthood years was 108 (19 years old)...right before I was diagnosed with giardia and dropped 16 pounds over the next 6 weeks. I never got back up to triple digits. Then I met Petey...

Because of excitement and/or anxiety during our courtship, I had trouble eating and keeping food down. I weighed 89 pounds the day we got married (at age 20) and 95 pounds at a check-up I had when I was 25.

I mostly stayed in double-digits until I was 27...and got off the pill = (

Then things changed in a BIG way...and I was totally unprepared for the change! I did not even realize what was happening to me, even when my clothes got tight and uncomfortable. I just figured they were wearing out and shrinking!

Until a friend of Petey's came to visit and said the life-changing words to me... "are you pregnant???!!!" Yes, exactly with that kind of emphasis too! I didn't even know what he was talking about until he sent us pictures from his visit.

There it was, right before my eyes...proof that I was, indeed, fat. After two and a half decades of being underweight, smaller than average, eat what I want, the only concern being to keep weight ON...now I'm fat and I don't even know how it happened. YIKES!!

So my first real diet was called Eat Well, Live Well. I already knew that I would not be following any unhealthy diets...I believe that that is not pleasing to God to treat HIS body in such an unhealthy way as to "crash diet" or "grapefruit diet". It had to be a healthy and reasonable way to eat.

Eat Well, Live Well was designed by a Christian lady who was featured on Focus on the Family. It is a SUPER healthy way to eat and I lost 30 pounds...down to 108, which is what the chart in Eat Well, Live Well suggested I should weigh. (5'4", small frame)

{A side note...I realize that some readers may not feel that 138 lbs. is fat and it would probably be more correct to say "overweight" but believe me, on my teeny-tiny frame 138 lbs. DOES make me look fat! It's made worse by my genetic predisposition to gain most of the excess weight around my middle and then also having very narrow hips...my fat shows way more than someone who gains around the hips and upper thighs!}

Back to the story...Eat Well, Live Well was definitely a healthy diet, but not reasonable for the long term. I see that now. I understand how a diet that is SO restrictive is not practical, or even do-able, for the rest of your life.

It was my first experience with being uber-disciplined, watching the weight come off at 2 pounds per week, the thrill of reaching goal weight, getting new clothes in smaller sizes....and then gaining it all back, plus some as soon as I hit goal weight!

And again, I was at a loss as to what happened??? How am I fat again???!!! I look back now on the weight chart that I kept during that time. I do remember being so happy to reach goal weight and thinking, "now I can eat THAT again...now I can stop measuring portions...I don't have to write everything down now...now I can eat what I really want at restaurants!"

WHAT WAS I THINKING??!!!! I hit goal weight and immediately went back to eating the way I had before...the way that caused me to gain the weight in the first place. And honestly, it never dawned on me exactly what was happening, until I weighed just as much as I did before = (

When I look at the weight chart that I so faithfully kept...losing 2 pounds a week til goal weight, then gaining back 1-2 pounds a week...it was MY body that was stepping on the scale...my hand that was recording the weight. Why didn't I stop? Why didn't I say to myself, "STOP!!! You're gaining it all back!! Go back to eating the way you did to lose the weight!!!"

And then...the long suspected endometriosis went full blown. I believe being on the pill from age 20-27 kept it from going too far out of control and bought me some time.

The years from 28 - 35 are a blur of pain, more pain, medicine, gain weight, surgery, try this, try that, gain more weight, excruciating pain, turn into a grumpy, crabby person I did not like, depression, "please, God, just let me die".

Hormone manipulation might be helpful in some instances but I believe it should be approached VERY cautiously. In hindsight, I wish that I had just had the hysterectomy at 30 instead of trying to hold off, not really living during those years and then finally getting some relief at 35 when I got spayed!

To be continued...

Thanking God all through the day...

...is so easy to do! I open my eyes this morning and the first thing I see is bright sunshine and blue sky through the crack in the blinds...AWESOME!

Then I start to stretch but look on the bed to make sure that I'm not going to disturb any sleeping kitties...gotta be careful with 4 of them on the bed = ) And then Chippy sees that I'm awake so she comes up for some snuggles and pettums. I look over and see Annie-bell who meows a "good morning!" Then Jake and Sydney ratchet up the cute-factor with their cuddling. What a great way to wake up...I thank God for my kitties!

I think to myself "what day is it?" Oh yeah...it's SUNDAY!! I get to go to Sunday School and church and love on my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ and receive love back from them...and learn about my beloved Savior and read His Word and sing much-loved hymns of the faith!! Thank You, God, for adopting me into Your family and giving me loving brothers and sisters!

It's cold this morning so I build up the fire in the woodstove...thanks, God, for warmth and a cozy house!

I get in the car...b-b-b-brrrrr...but before I know it, the heater is pouring out wonderful HEAT...I'm surprised it works so well for an almost 20 year old car! Thanks, God, for keeping this car running...and Petey too!

My friend, Hong, is coming to lunch today...a special treat...mother has made her famous chicken and dumplings...YUMMMM...don't have to remember to thank God for THAT! And for friends to share life's joys with = )

John and Faithy tell us about their recent dog-sledding adventure trip...it's so nice to hear my baby-brother laugh...I thank God for him...and even more thanks for marrying Faithy and giving me a sister-chicky whom I love dearly!!!

After dropping Hong off back at her car (with a quick prayer of thanksgiving that I DIDN'T lock my keys in the car! hahahaha), I head to Zales Jewelry Store to pick up my Valentine's gift from my sweety...major bling ring!!!!! Many, many times a day I thank God for choosing me to be Petey's wife...what a blessing...WHAT A BLESSING!!!

Then home to email Petey about how much I love my ring and how thankful I am to have it...how I wish I could thank him in person = (

POP! An email from Petey! He's online and we can webcam and I can thank him "in person"! I thank God for the internet...for webcams, computers, Petey's safe flight to Germany...

Then out the door to walk my boys over to the park...MEGA thanks for my trusted friends and companions, Buddy, Piper and Dingo...dogs to you but bestest friends to me = )

And the park..thank You, God, for the beautiful park, so close to my house, again for the beautiful day, being healthy and able to walk outside!!

I have avocado slices on my bean burrito tonight...God didn't have to make avocado, ya know...He blesses us with healthy and delicious fruits, veggies, grains, nuts, seeds...so many different flavors...so many ways to enjoy them! God IS so good!

Now, a couple hours before bedtime...several choices of fun things to do...work on crafts? play with the critters? watch a little tv? do a puzzle? I wish I could play dominoes with Mom and Dad Huskey and the Lipperts. I thank God for the wonderful memories of these dear friends...and also for the free hours of the day where I have the opportunity to enjoy fun stuff and hobbies = )

And soon, bedtime, which I ALWAYS thank God for...I love going to bed! I'm so thankful for my comfy bed, where I can sleep in peace and safety, knowing that God never sleeps and is always watching over me...

...until I wake up tomorrow morning, if God wills it, to start the day with thanksgiving and praising my Savior hour-by-hour!

See how easy that was??? Praise is continually springing from my lips...and I know that even that comes from God and I thank Him for it!

Felt I oughta post = )

Well, since Jim over at Living on the Edge linked to our blog, I figured I should post something today = )

It's been COLD here in Houston! I pray every day for good weather for the Houston Marathon coming up on January 30th. 'Course, what is good to me wouldn't be for someone else and vice-versa!

Anyhow, going outside to run errands or work in the yard is uncomfortable and the thought of spending nearly 6 hours out in the cold is filling me with dread (not really but kinda!). I'm one of the pacers for the 5:30 marathoners, hence the longer than normal finish time.

Gonna be a neat experience though! Just hope we have nice weather...by MY definition! hahahahaha

An interesting thing has been happening this week: almost every morning, I wake up with a verse from the Bible as the first thing I think about. Now, it's not really ME having that as a first thought...I believe that God has put that verse in my brain for a reason.

It kinda gives me a theme for the day or at least something to ponder and meditate on. I've often started the day with a prayer, "what do You want me to do today, God? what would You like me to accomplish?

I usually already have a to-do list made out, but quite frequently something happens that's not on the list...something more important...that supplants something that IS on the list.

And I've learned to quickly let go of any frustration I might feel, knowing that God is working HIS to-do list for my life and His is WAY more important...and comes with blessings!!

Anyhow, just thought I'd share that as something I've been thinking about = ) And if you really want to do some pondering, Jim always has thought-provoking posts, pics and videos to get ya going!

Happy 2011!

Figured I'd share this pic with you...it's from our run this morning. Our club hosts a Resolution Run every January 1st. Fun!

Piper and I started off 2011 by running 11k (6.86 miles)...seemed appropriate = ) I also thought it'd be appropriate to have the last pic of 2010 be me and Piper running and the same for the first pic of 2011.

For the record, my phone uploads pics faster than my desktop computer! hahahaha Love that phone = ))

It was a beautiful day...just a little cold with the north wind. I'd forgotten my gloves so thankfully, I didn't need them afterall. Glad I had the hat though, my ears don't do well in the wind!

Happy New Year!!